This post is all about horror movies. That is, really, all it is about. I'm sorry.
Sci-Fi played an entire legion of John Carpenter this weekend. It was awful. I can't decide who sucks more ass between them, him or Wes Craven. They both have huge libraries of works called "John Carpenter's Vampires" or "Wes Craven Presents They". No, John Carpenter sucks more. Wes Craven was good, back in the day - a master, even. Now he does like... Music of the Heart, and Paris Je T'aime. I am so tired of them both and their stale, stale (if they ever once existed) directing skills. This prompted me to wonder who the
good horror movie directors were, and further more, what the good horror movies are. I couldn't really come up with a good list, and I've seen a lot of horror. But it goes something like:
1) Kaidan
2) The Devil's Backbone
3) Marebito
4) Wendigo
5) The Event Horizon (this is not sci fi, trust me, it is not sci fi like Alien is sci fi)
6) Storm of the Century
7) Rose Red
8) Silent Hill
9) Skeleton Key (what can I say. I don't think highly of most horror movies I see, and thus the list goes from good to ugly pretty fast)
10) Salem's Lot the recent remake (it was all right)
Something I find incredibly odd: it turns out that I have seen 3 out of the
8 Films to Die For (After Dark's first annual independent horror film festival). They just randomly popped up on Sci-Fi, and I only now know they were part of Horrorfest, which I've seen a lot of ads for but not much else.
Gravedancers - pretty goddamn bad. The plot could have been saved with a little more originality and a little more organization, but the CG was like, Scooby Doo level. I don't know how this got past the editors.
Unrest - surprisingly good for a Saturday afternoon on Sci-Fi (does that say much)? Clearly indie, because it was sort of... grottier than most paranormal-based horror movies. Lots of corpse talk, kind of gory, takes place in a morgue, etc. Didn't look it up. Apparently full of historical inaccuracies.
Penny Dreadful - creepy, creepy, and I don't go for the urban legend/serial killer motif at all. I saw it at 1 am on Sci-Fi (hooray! not). It's really simple, actually - preteen girl who's extremely afraid and claustrophobic of cars, on medications, and in general pretty damaged, goes on trip with her shrink. They pick up a hitchhiker (why?) who is creepy as fuck and demands to be dropped off in the middle of the woods. They get stuck getting back on the highway. Psychological torture ensues. It's extremely claustrophobic because you spend most of the movie empathizing with the girl, trapped in the car between two trees (so she can't get out), with her dead shrink sitting next to her. Like, shit. Even if you hadn't watched your parents die in a car crash you would not be able to take that. I looked this one up and realized all three were part of 2006's Horrorfest.
And I do really give credit to this festival for generating horror movies that are better than average and more original than average. The "independent" does shine through, and hopefully they'll keep getting better. From the 2006 playbill, I'd also
really like to see
The Abandoned. I actually thought that one sounded interesting from when I first heard about it a year back. It reminds me of 4 [Chetyre] and sounds like it would be very atmospherically creepy. I wouldn't mind seeing The Hamiltons, Wicked Little Things, or The Tripper either.
As for 2007, the selection looks better. I'd love to see Borderland, Mulberry Street, Tooth and Nail, and Unearthed (Lake Dead and Nightmare Man sound ok). That apocalyptic cryptozoology shit is exactly the kind of horror movie I enjoy (am not scared shitless throughout, I mean, and can actually think coherently through and thus appreciate), and unfortunately Cloverfield (which I wouldn't classify as horror) and Wendigo are the
only good ones of those I've seen (I sat through part of The Beast of Bray Road on Sci-Fi this weekend and... dear God. I actually know what the Beast of Bray Road supposedly is, and this was just an insult to the creature. It was clearly just a guy in a hairy suit and an "angry mask"). Why don't more people (besides Chris Carter) make good biological horror movies?
There was this woman on a National Geographic show about Bigfoot (yes, one of those) who claimed to be sort of... well, neighbors and friends with a Bigfoot family. She said that Bigfoot knocked on her trailer door and asked for some garlic, to get rid of body parasites. Yes, in English. Then he said thank you and ambled back into the woods. Her husband can show you how the Bigfoots stalk their prey. It involves deliberately going for the liver, apparently, something reminescent of
Eugene Tooms.
late addition:
hooray for a spectacularly scary episode of the X-Files tonight - Chimera! The Sheriff is sleeping with everyone in Martha Stewart-ville and boy, is his Martha Stewart wife unhappy! So unhappy she
subconsciously turns into a freaking raven man-monster and kills all his mistresses. Ah, I just love me a good Medea story. They don't make 'em like that anymore, I say.