intertribal | Entries tagged with bitches

Airlines to Begin Charging for a Second Bag

Asshats. And don't tell me to just "pack less" and "travel lighter", because I have to pack 4 months (and at least two seasons) worth of clothes, books, shoes, and a sleeping bag (because it takes the linens a while to be delivered to the dorm room at the beginning of the semester) into two bags that are not humungous. It's not like I pack two suitcases to go on a business trip or a vacation (because I am a POOR college student, unlike the people saying that they can just "pack less" and "travel lighter", who are ironically also the ones who can swallow any cost the airlines throw at them), but to set up a freakin' life.

I'm 5'3" and if I can haul two suitcases onto your plane then you shouldn't charge me for it.

Pretentious livejournal entries remind me of the ramblings of psychotic schizophrenic people on Law & Order: SVU.

No, really. That's what they sound like. Like the one who talked only in terms of chemical reactions and thought there were terrorists invading her mind. They also remind me of the guy in the grocery store the other day who was in front of me in line, with his seemingly mentally able daughter who nonetheless did nothing to help anything, who kept shooting his fingers out in strange directions and then could not understand that he had no money on his card.

Like, cute? Not really. If anything it's offensive to people who actually have mental illness, because you are clearly just a stupid 16-year-old who thinks she's profound. Blah blah blah dainty angsty blah blah.

Hilariously, she watches SVU. Maybe it's intentional.

Also: I accidentally got regular instead of low-fat cream cheese and now I'm really angry because it's like a billion times tastier than low-fat cream cheese. :(

Current Music: "ooo-ooh! ooo-ooh!"

Who thinks I should become goth? Because I'd really like to have these combat boots. Secret: I've always wanted combat boots. According to a quiz I took, I am only mildly disturbing, but I show great potential (little grasshopper).

They're from Hot Topic. I know, I know. Not goth. But I think they're precious, and I'm planning on going back to that store after a 9-year hiatus. I suppose by now they've gotten rid of all the novelty tees that I would be amused by. Besides, I am not silly enough to think I could actually pass as gothic. I hate that Crow movie too much to possibly be taken seriously as a goth (along with all that pseudo-goth shit: Nightmare Before Christmas, Edward Scissorhands). I also think Anne Rice is a bad writer. (Memnoch had some interesting points, but it was overwhelmed by the self-flagellating righteousness of Rice's newfound Christianity) I hardly look like Kim from Book of Shadows. So I think: maybe my new look is industrial. I scored as a Rivet-Head on the Goth subcategory quiz. After all, I also want this shirt (from Glarkware), even though I don't do Russian studies:

Still, it's not as if I go skulking around in warehouses, for raves or photographs. Nor do I want machines to take over from humanity - nor do I find machines more beautiful than organic matter. My interest in rivets is strictly of the Ghost in the Shell philosophy. My third highest result on that subcategory quiz was, after all, Confused Outsider.

If real industrial goths were to speak to me they would probably find me a mainstream little prep. But it's in the context of the girls I go to school with. There are a few goths at Barnard - they stick out like gangrene thumbs - but they aren't political science majors as far as I know, and I love going to the Political Science Department looking "goth" or even "punk", blasting Rammstein so loud my boss can hear me coming. I like making my colleagues in political science - club-happy rich girls with exotic, worldly experience of the Hilton and Hyatt variety, who love Barnard and love their friends, who serve on SGA and are "valued members of the Barnard community". I love being, by all appearances, someone who shouldn't be valued by the Barnard community. I don't layer on the makeup, I don't smile very much (and when I do it tends to be sinister and caused by internal thoughts rather than external circumstances), I don't listen to James Blunt and I don't watch Grey's Anatomy. I don't dream of Sex and the City and I don't go to bars. I don't like musicals, Gabriel Garcia Bernal, or Johnny Depp. I think the Barnard Bear is scary (I'm a much bigger fan of Athena, but people forget about her - she's overgrown with vines). I don't want to go to London, not even for graduate school. To them, I am oh so very different. Oh so goth. Oh so grim, dark, intimidating - "ever somber". And I'm starting to want to reinforce that image they have, like Bruce Wayne does in creating Batman: "I am vengeance. I am the night."

Current Music: "hey, don't listen to him, he's a crazy man." - sin city

Green: No wonder they call her the most hated bitch in America.
Cassidy: You mean woman, right?
Green: No, I mean bitch.
- Law & Order

The community

ourhappyknees says: not many things in the world these days make you smile, so why not think about the good things? in this community we would like to see the things that make you happy, for instance: - a fabulous thrift store find; - drawings, photographs, recipes, poems, pretty things; - songs, outfits, books, and many more creative ideas! Their second rule is: nothing negative! we hear enough of that.

Aside from their ridiculous philosophy, I am quite puzzled by their definition of happiness-inducing things. A fabulous thrift store find? Outfits? Pretty things? If it weren't for the decidedly "funky" disposition, I would have thought they were a front for Bloomingdale's. It does explain, however, the intense preoccupation of the pseudo-perfect girls - the ones who seem like they might be faking their intelligence, who are usually not out of high school - with polaroids, organic jam, and American Apparel. The really perfect girls don't even talk about things that can be identified in the concrete world, except for Anaïs Nin and Johannesburg. No, these are the girls who want to be seen as intellectual, cool, sweet, sincere. Their camwhore pictures usually don't look the camera in the eye.

Here are some more samples, from the community, of the good things in life: saturday mornings, morning sunshine, nice books, little gifts, fresh bread and pastries, organized desks, letter-writing, their pets, socks. The Perks of Being a Wallflower - no joke.

I'm more inclined to believe the other, less intellectual and abstract entries: roses from my boyfriend, knowing my family will always support my musical ambitions, my nephew, my best friend.

They feel so different from what I would list: the smosh music videos to Mortal Kombat, watching Independence Day while eating kettle corn; outsmarting other political science majors when in the presence of Professor Cooley; seeing how many lines of Lord of the Rings I can say along with the characters; looking for negative book reviews; infuriating myself by researching Christopher Paolini and the like; watching DBZ AMVs while listening to Hole; making fun of Smallville and Supernatural. A lot of what I would list would be considered negative by these people (yet it makes me happy - does that mean I'm abnormal or defective?). But I also take joy in a story that I suspect most of these people would hate: "A Good Man is Hard to Find", by Flannery O'Connor, in which the grandmother, obsessed with the good old days "that only exist in the minds of us conservatives" (to quote the Simpsons), desperately keeps telling the serial killer that's killing her family that she knows he is good on the inside, he looks good, he looks like he came from good people. And the serial killer essentially tells her, polite as ever, much thanks, but he is definitely not good. Then he kills her.

The world isn't beautiful, nor is it ugly. It just sort of is. Of course, some happiness is nice, but discomfort is necessary (and this applies to me and my perverted list of things that make me happy too... I still have to look outside of that, deviate from that). Otherwise you're not going to see the things that make you displeased, the negative things, and you're going to start believing they don't exist, at least to rationalize your ignorance. And then you won't do anything about them. And then they'll just keep being negative and ugly, and you'll be sitting in your little enclave of cross-stiched happiness, when the world ends, a waste of space and energy, and the people who could have used your help will be wishing you were never born, that someone with the capacity to stomach ugly things were born instead.

Maybe we should organize an exchange program. People in these communities should go on an exchange program that lasts for the rest of their lives with people who are, say, living in a civil war, or in destitute poverty (or in North Korea). And then we'll see if what really makes them happy is living in a capitalist, first-world democracy, or if they're just happy, happy people on the inside. If it's the latter, then all the better - the people they'll have exchanged lives with will no doubt appreciate the chance to live in a first-world democracy.

Hey, I actually found a quote on a users' (joint account? whatever) userinfo I agree with. Amazing. Ironically, the user(s) is a "friend" of one of those pseudo-perfect girls, although she's of a more ambitious breed, more Robyn Schneider-ish. So although she still likes to write about how happy and lovely things are, they do have a sharper edge, because she got herself to NYU.

There are all sorts of things that would be comforting. I expect an injection of morphine would be comforting – it might be more comforting, for all I know. But to say that something is comforting is not to say that it's true.
-Richard Dawkins

Apparently he's a biologist. Darwin's Rottweiler. Figures.

Current Music: "The Libertine" - Patrick Wolf

1. Don't get too sad if you're rejected from Knopf. Also, don't submit to Knopf.
2. Madeline "of-course-I'm-Meg" L'Engle is dead, sadly.
3. This is the most hilarious review ever. "The two close female friends in Ann Packer’s ladylike, man-proof new novel spend 300-odd pages exploring the nuances of their lifelong bond. If this sounds like an interesting story, bear in mind that any synopsis will make this book appear better than its full, sprawling version turns out to be. Synopses emphasize plots, themes and dramatic tensions. They do not dawdle through descriptions of how cheese rolls can be “such a reliable pleasure,” how raisin-bran cookies have a “branny, raisiny” nature or how the essence of soccer is “the blunt, running, back and forth of the game.”"
4. I'm starting to like Justine Henin, even though she is a bitch, partly I think because she clearly hates the Williams sisters, which I am also starting to do. "She did not know that Venus Williams was struggling to steady herself through a dizzy fog, nor did she care... When told that Williams cited her health problems, Henin said sarcastically, “I’m surprised.”

Current Music: "Small Town" - Morcheeba

From "An Adventure in Paris" by Guy De Maupassant. Abbreviated.

The woman whose adventure I am about to relate was a little person from the provinces, who had been insipidly respectable till the moment when my story begins. Her life, which was on the surface so calm, was spent at home, with a busy husband and two children, whom she brought up in the fashion of an irreproachable mother. But her heart beat with unsatisfied curiosity and with longing for the unknown. She was continually thinking of Paris, and read the fashionable papers eagerly. The accounts of parties, of dresses, and various entertainments, excited her longing; but, above all, she was strangely agitated by those paragraphs which were full of double meaning, by those veils half raised by clever phrases which gave her a glimpse of culpable and ravishing delights. From her home in the provinces she saw in Paris an apotheosis of magnificent and corrupt luxury.

[she goes to Paris]

And then she set out on a voyage of discovery. She went up and down the boulevards, without seeing anything except roving and licensed vice. She looked into the large cafes, and read the Agony Column of the Figaro, which every morning seemed to her like a tocsin, a summons to love. But nothing put her on the track of those orgies of actors and actresses; nothing revealed to her those temples of debauchery which opened, she imagined, at some magic word, like the cave of Ali Baba or the catacombs of Rome, where the mysteries of a persecuted religion were secretly celebrated.

[she sees a famous author in a store, Jean Varin, who is contemplating buying a figurine for a thousand francs]

"No, it is too expensive," he said.

And thereupon, she, seized by a kind of mad audacity, came forward and said, "What will you charge me for the figure?"

The shopkeeper, in surprise, replied, "Fifteen hundred francs, Madame."

"I will take it."

The writer, who had not even noticed her till that moment, turned round suddenly. He looked her over from head to foot, with half-closed eyes, observantly, taking in the details like a connoisseur. She was charming, suddenly animated by the flame which had hitherto been dormant in her. And then, a woman who gives fifteen hundred francs for a knickknack is not to be met with every day.

And she, filled with emotion, continued, "Well, if either today, or at any other time, you change your mind, you may have this Japanese figure. I bought it only because you seemed to like it."

[they spend the day together]

He was obliged to tell her the names of all the well-known women they crossed, pure or impure, with every detail about them - their mode of life, their habits, their homes, and their vices.

They went into a large cafe on the boulevard which he frequented, and where he met some of his colleagues, whom he introduced to her. She was half beside herself with pleasure, and kept saying to herself, "At last! At last!"

They went to the Vaudeville with a pass, thanks to him, and, to her great pride, the whole house saw her sitting by his side in the stalls.

As soon as they were in the flat, she undressed quickly and retired without saying a word. Then she waited for him, cowering against the wall. But she was as simple as it was possible for a provincial lawyer's wife to be, and he was more exacting than a pasha with thirty wives, so that they did not really get on at all.

At last, however, he went to sleep. The night passed, its silence disturbed only by the tic-toc of the clock, while she, lying motionless, thought of her conjugal nights. By the light of a Chinese lantern, she lay nearly heartbroken and stared a the little fat man lying on his back, his round stomach puffing out the bedclothes like a balloon filled with gas. He snored with the noise of a wheezy organ pipe, with prolonged snorts and comic chokings. His few hairs profited by his sleep to stand up in a very strange way, as if they were tired of having been glued for so long to that pate whose bareness they were trying to cover. And a thin stream of saliva trickled from the corner of his half-opened mouth.

And she ran out of the room and down the stairs into the street.

The street-cleaners were already at work, sweeping the road, sending their brushes along the gutters, bringing together the rubbish in neat little heaps. With movements as regular as the motion of mowers in a meadow, they swept the refuse before them in broad semi-circular strokes. She met them in every street, like dancing puppets, walking automatically with a swaying motion, and it seemed to her as if something had been swept out of her; as if her over-excited dreams had been brushed into the gutter, or down into the sewers. So she went home, out of breath and very cold, and all that she could remember was the sensation of the motion of those brooms sweeping the streets of Paris in the early morning.

When she got to her room, she threw herself onto her bed and cried.

inspired by the facebook group kim joined earlier this year, "Help! My Roommate is in Love with Her Professor!" and my own need to distinguish various girl student - male teacher relationships, to avoid being mistaken for the wrong type of coed.

This is kind of an unusual quiz. It operates by checks. It's separated into categories. Check every statement in each category that coincides, then count up the checks. Whichever category has the most checks is your winner.

Category A
_ She says he's confident, but he's full of himself, and doesn't always know what he's talking about.
_ She keeps a list of mistakes he's made and puts it on the internet.
_ She likes to hog discussion time and talks down to other students.
_ She's very concerned about advancing in her field.
_ She likes getting into fights with him.
_ She might sleep with him just because she wants a challenge.
_ She forms opinions quickly and has no doubt that she's right.
_ She believes intelligence and correctness is the most important trait of a professor.

Category H
_ She says he's a moron.
_ She never goes to office hours.
_ If he asked her to get drinks, she would attack him with pepper spray, claw his eyes out, make sure he's fired, and have him arrested.
_ She doesn't respond to his questions in class.
_ She doesn't understand how he got hired.
_ She didn't change her mind about anything even though he tried to convince her otherwise.
_ She writes bad reviews of him.
_ She does the readings, but throws everything away at the end of the year.

Category O
_ She says he's a good lecturer.
_ She does everything she has to do, but no more than that.
_ She took his class because her friends were taking it.
_ She skims the readings.
_ She only complains about class when there's a lot of homework.
_ She's never googled him.
_ She's talked while he's lecturing.
_ She rarely brings him up, and certainly not during semester breaks.

Category V
_ She says he's hot.
_ She always wears low-cut shirts to class.
_ She giggles and wiggles a lot when she sees him.
_ She doesn't get her work done.
_ She's not very interested in the subject.
_ She's like this with all her male professors.
_ She really wants As, but she's not all that smart.
_ Friendly, nice professors are her favorite.

Category T
_ She says he's a genius.
_ She laughs very loudly at his jokes.
_ She rattles on and on after class about points he made, on every argument, straight from her exhaustive notes.
_ She thinks his wife and children are really cute and perfect.
_ She buys him Christmas presents.
_ She has a life outside of him.
_ She's considering this major just because he's such an awesome professor.
_ She often refers to him in a parental way.

Category N
_ She says he's a genius, hot, and a good lecturer. And doesn't know why he's not tenured yet.
_ She knows where he lives.
_ She doesn't like to remember that he's married.
_ She constantly does all her work and her grades drop in other classes because of her attention to his class.
_ She dedicates Tegan & Sara songs to him.
_ She wants to know his life story.
_ She's jealous of other students when they get too close to him.
_ She has a list of little quotes of his that appear meaningless to most people.

ARCHANGEL (SATAN). Your roommate's not in love with her professor - she thinks she's smarter than him. Of course, she thinks she's smarter than everyone. She seeks to rise in the ranks and possibly knock him off the top. She will have succeeded when she publishes that controversial book that disproves everything he's been saying for the past ten years. However, she doesn't actually think he's as dumb as she may say - she knows he's formidable - and does not dislike him as a person.

HERETIC. Congratulations, your roommate is not in love with her professor. She hates him, in fact. The thought of him repulses her, and given the chance she would like to strike him down - but hell, he's not really worth the effort of a big sabotage attempt. She won't be discussing him any further and will forget about him soon enough, except maybe to tell friends to steer clear of him.

ON THE PEWS. Your roommate is not in love with her professor. She's indifferent and treats him like she would any other professor. He may make some small minimal impact, and she might save a couple of the readings, and certainly boast about her grades, but no more than that. She won't try to befriend him or send him emails, and doesn't plan on seeing him again, because he's not very important to her.

VIRGIN SLUT. Unfortunately, your roommate is a ho. Your roommate is not in love with her professor, but she's in lust with him, and hopes that the feeling is reciprocated - it's her only chance at getting straight As. She chooses classes based on professors she predicts will be likely to be nice to her or at least want to bone her, expects to get good grades in return, and calls this networking. She doesn't actually give a shit about him, though, so after the final grades are posted, he's dead to her.

THEOLOGIAN. There is love, but it's strictly platonic, as well as harmless and unlikely to cause mental duress. She regards him as a father figure. She will get starry-eyed when she hears the man speak forevermore, probably dedicate her thesis to him, and create a facebook group in his honor. In return, she will get glowing recommendations. She will also, however, have boyfriends, a regular life, and simply tell her children about good old Professor So-and-So and what he taught her about the aboriginal tribes of Papua New Guinea.

NUN. Yes, your roommate is in love with her professor. Completely and utterly. It will probably fuck her up for at least a while. While the attraction is sexual, your roommate is not a ho and will probably never sleep with the professor, because she would not want to risk him being censured. She cares about him as a person, admires him greatly, feels sharp emotional pangs around him, probably thinks about him many times throughout the day, and lives not for the good grades on her papers but the comments in the margins.

Before you say "yes, yes it is", let me explain.

I believe that I am entitled to one night of junk food and the movie Independence Day.
How many times have I been caught watching Simon Pegg and Nick Frost with a huge grin on my face thinking "crap, I wish I was them."
I wish love were like in "Shaun of the Dead". Admit it, we're all looking for that killing, speeding, fence-hopping, zombie-acting, who's-gonna-shoot-who-first stuff. Yeah, that LOVE.
I get "high" off watching an awesome action movie, only to have it end and then realize that it's back to my dull life. I want fun, monsters, laughter, and sarcasm that comes only from Jeff Goldblum. I want to become an action movie hermit, and live out my fantasy in an "in-the-end-we-will-kick-those-Martians-to-Kingdom-Come" world.
I fall in love with a guy (may or may not be the lead) at the end of any action movie... you have to admit they are the last men on earth! guys from action movies include... will smith... denzel washington... jeff goldblum... simon pegg... christian bale... viggo mortensen... cillian murphy...
Real life sucks. But the recurring fact of the matter is that just like in all the cheap blockbusters, things totally suck before they outwit the evil empire and aim the nuclear missile away from that village of African orphans.
I feel my life story has played out like the stupidest, funniest, corniest, phoniest, tritest, most outlandish, histrionic, booze-guzzling, panic-inducing, B movie-like horror movie to end all horror movies.
Any boy who sits through "Sophie's Choice", "Beloved", or any of those other epic emotional horror movies is undoubtedly a keeper!
We eat Ramen noodles. We watch Jurassic Park. We discuss how the events and topics of the movie can relate to humanity's doom. It's fun! And it's great fellowship with friends! What more could a girl want?*

Oh yes, I also believe there are certain things guys should do for girls. Period. These are not rules, these are strong suggestions that are to push the male gender from retarded chickflick guys to normal imperfect guys.
1. Forget the girl's birthday. Only remember when he checks facebook, then writes a frantic message on her wall. He should be treated as if nothing happened.
2. Stop channelsurfing when football comes on the tube. Whine when the girl stops channelsurfing when iceskating comes on, then make fun of the male iceskaters.
3. Have a favorite sports team.
4. Enjoy going to a bar with friends to sing "Joy to the World" or "Stairway to Heaven" while plastered.
5. Remember to get a tux for the wedding. Remember to go to the wedding.
6. Introduce her to heavy metal, classic rock, grunge, and/or rap, if she is lacking in these areas.
7. Complain the entire time he is at a chick flick or musical, and probably opera as well.
8. Leave the toilet seat up, the toothpaste uncapped, and dirty boxers on the floor.
9. Watch "A Diamond is Forever" commercials and go, "that's dumb."
10. Leave her notes with links to funny videos on YouTube.
11. Wear baggy jeans and t-shirts.
12. Play "Streetfighter" or "Mortal Kombat" with little impressionable kids.
13. Say she looks hot, cute, pretty, sexy, good, whatever. Just do not call her ugly.
14. Don't ever pay less than half for the date. It's only fair.
15. Use the word bitch. Do not use the word cunt.
16. Use the word fuck. In fact, be able to quote the entire fuck sentence from Boondock Saints.
17. Buy junk food at the grocery store. Insist she eat some too.
18. Bash the Backstreet Boys.

If the male gender would like to become real men, however, here's some more rules to go along with the ones just mentioned.
1. Never ever forget to vote. Don't vote along party lines. Vote for issues, ideas, and track records.
2. Say the female iceskaters are anorexic.
3. Do not support said sports team when it is accused of facilitating a "rape-friendly" atmosphere (like U. Colorado-Boulder).
4. Don't go to the bar to pick up girls.
5. Mean those wedding vows.
6. Give Coldplay a chance.
7. Watch war movies with counterwar messages. Realize war is an unnecessary evil.
8. Go fix it if she yells at you.
9. Follow this up with, "I don't believe in buying conflict diamonds, baby." (seriously, this is so sexy)
10. Follow the links that she gives you. Reply and say they were funny/interesting/mind-boggling/whatever.
11. Don't ever criticize her clothing choice or insist that she look a certain way.
12. Do not play "Dead or Alive: Extreme Beach Volleyball", ever.
13. Say she's the most beautiful woman in the world, but only if you mean it.
14. Offer to pay for the date, but only if you can afford it. Hobos are not attractive.
15. Use the word bitch on, say, Arnold Schwarzenegger. To his face. That takes balls.
16. Motherfucker should be avoided if she has children, or if you're around your mother-in-law.
17. Offer to help anyone who's having trouble carrying anything at the grocery store.
18. Give the Spice Girls a chance.

So I'm a hopeless romantic... is that so bad?

All this is a response to Facebook groups - the "I Watch Chick Flicks and I'm Proud of It" groups, the "There Are Some Things Guys Should Do For Girls. Period" groups.

Related groups of these Facebook groups.
Chick Flicks --> True Love Waits --> American By Birth, Christian By Choice! --> Abortion is murder; I pray for my future beloved; I'M NOTHING WITHOUT GOD.

I Love A Good Chick Flick --> I am a Lady. --> Abortion is murder; I'm Saving Myself for Wild, Passionate, Awkward Honeymoon Sex --> If we came from monkeys, why are there still monkeys?

Life is like a chick flick... it's gotta suck before it gets good! --> In lOvE wItH pREtTy Men --> The Church of Jesus-Christ of Latter-Day Saints --> I'm Bringing Sexy Back.

Compare with one of my Facebook groups.

Dragon Ball Z Mother F*****" --> Barack Obama for President in 2008.

I win.

Yes, I know I just referred to my own school by its derogatory nickname.

Anyway, do you? I will happily place you in either the Soft, Medium, or Hard social sciences. Yes, there is a difference. Yes, these are a combination of stereotypes, anecdotes, first-hand experience, and observation, and by no means am I to be held liable for you picking the wrong major just because you're its stereotype. Just take this quiz, bitch.

1. What do you wear to class?
    a. A cool quirky outfit I put together on my own. And cool ethnic jewelry made of beads and wood.
    b. Business attire. Or, clubbing attire. Heels, makeup, accessories. School is practice for the business world.
    c. Sweats. Sneakers. Duh.

2. What race are you?
    a. Well, I'm 1/16th Cherokee... or, I'm too many things to count. Race is a social construct.
    b. White, or Mixed.
    c. A minority. Particularly Chinese or Indian. Or, I'm an Aryan blonde.

3. What type of books do you like to read?
    a. Dusty old books that have never been checked out of the library but are totally genius.
    b. Glossy books with Dramatic Titles: Long-winded Explanations written by a smiling white guy in a suit.
    c. I don't read books. If I have to do it, they'd better be entertaining and full of pop culture gimmicks.

4. Preferred class readings?
    a. Tomes.
    b. Articles.
    c. Textbooks.

5. How do you like your exams?
    a. In subjective take-home essay form. I quake under pressure.
    b. 5 out of 8 IDs, 2 out of 3 short answers, 1 out of 2 essays. In two hours, preferably.
    c. Problems with multiple questions about fictional countries with names like Toyland and McDonaldsia.

6.   What's your most important cause?
    a. Social constructs. Ok, fine, women's rights.
    b. War and/or human rights and/or AIDS.
    c. Keeping inflation at 2%. I mean, 3%. I mean, whatever's good for my stocks.

7. How do your parents feel about your major?
    a. Shh. Mom says we can't talk about that anymore, it's bad for Dad's heart.
    b. Okay. They keep saying, "well, at least she can go to law school."
    c. Great! My dad has friends at LSE and they'll make sure I can get in there for study abroad.

8. You want boys in your classes?
    a. Only if they're gay or effeminate, because I don't want to feel threatened in my safe space.
    b. Hell yes! I'm always looking to snag the next Barack Obama or JP Morgan.
    c. Fuck no. I separate work and play.

9. Sentence association! "My shirt was made in China."
    a. That's interesting, you know, given the history of textiles in China, and why are you making that comment, does that make you feel more validated as an American, and China has really cheapend itself, but really this can be explained historically, if you read this book by this one guy he has a really good point that China...
    b. Yeah, so have you heard? China's going to kick the U.S. off the top and we'll see who'll be laughing then.
    c. Fucking China and their FUCKING cheap labor and low prices. What's wrong with child labor again?

10. Life after college?
    a. Fuck if I know, man. Grad school? I'm not done studying!
    b. Law school, business school, a master's program, an internship, a fellowship, the state department, the UN, Wall Street. Yes, I'm applying to everything.
    c. Business school.

11. Involved in student government?
    a. Uh, ha ha. Is that a joke?
    b. Absolutely. I have intense class pride. Go team! I want to make changes and enhance dialogue. Vote for me, I'm super cool!
    c. I'd rather get good grades, thanks. This school is a mere stepping stone to world domination.

12. Do you like to ask questions during lectures?
    a. Isn't that the point of attending class, having an engaging discussion with the professor?
    b. No. I like to tell the professor things they don't know. Or correct them, even better.
    c. No. But I answer the professor's questions with speed and accuracy.

13. How many languages do you speak?
    a. English and the language of the country I'm really interested in studying right now.
    b. English and whatever I signed up for to get rid of this dumbass language requirement.
    c. English and my actual, native language. I'm bilingual.

14. Do you make friends with other people in your classes?
    a. Yeah. It's easy to bond with people you have intense discussions with.
    b. No. I hate everyone in my classes. They're either stupid or potential competition.
    c. Sure, why not. I need somebody to check problem sets with.

15. Good at math?
    a. NOO.
    b. It stops at "derivative".
    c. I wish writing papers were as easy.

16. How do you feel about America?
    a. It's diseased. A wasteland.
    b. It needs to get over itself before it gets nuked by like 20 countries.
    c. It's not perfect, but it is very successful, and success is good.

17. Which newspapers do you read?
    a. Village Voice.
    b. New York Times.
    c. Wall Street Journal.

If you scored mostly "a"s, answer this:
a. So those ethnic beads. Where'd you get 'em?
    1. My dying grandmother. --> SOFT, THIRD WORLD (TWEEDLEDEE, TWEEDLEDUM).
    2. Anthropologie. --> SOFT, FIRST WORLD (HUMPTY DUMPTY).
If you scored mostly "b"s, answer this:
a. You hate America why, exactly?
    1. It raped my people. --> MEDIUM, THIRD WORLD (LION AND THE UNICORN).
    2. It means I get dirty looks when I go to Europe on vacation. --> MEDIUM, FIRST WORLD (WHITE QUEEN).
If you scored mostly "c"s, answer this:
a. Why do you want to earn a lot of money again?
    1. Gotta give back to relatives in the homeland. --> HARD, THIRD WORLD (THE MESSENGERS).
    2. Gotta buy Prada somehow. --> HARD, FIRST WORLD (RED QUEEN).

SOFT? Anthropology, sociology, women's studies, ethnic studies. Cultured. Careless.

TWEEDLEDEE AND TWEEDLEDUM: "If that there King was to wake... you'd go out - bang! - just like a candle!" Obsessed with blackface and yellow fever, you give back to your people, whoever they may be, by discovering terrible secrets hidden in the collective unconscious of the West. The rest of us, naturally, feel like shit upon listening to your long rants about how all of academia is just a perpetuation of occidentalism.

HUMPTY DUMPTY: "It's a cravat, child, and a beautiful one, as you say. It's a present from the White King and Queen. There now!" You wish you had a people to give back to, but you don't. Instead you will aim to analyze other people's people and hopefully get a wing dedicated to you in the Museum of Natural History. They're very interesting creatures, aren't they? Look at them, scurrying around under your microscope.   Oops, that one caught on fire. Whoopsie!

MEDIUM? Political science, history. Polished. Predatory.

THE LION AND THE UNICORN: "Then hand round the plum-cake, Monster... Fair play with the cake, you know!" Che Guevara's a fuckin' poser compared to you. You regale, bore, and irritate your classmates with your self-righteous, proof-less stories about civil wars you survived and how the poor really do need help, because you know, man, you've been there. Except, how poor can you be, if you attend this school? Hmm.

THE WHITE QUEEN: "Why, sometimes I've believed as many as six impossible things before breakfast!" You really just want to go to law school, wear heels, marry a diplomat, and look good doing it. Sure, world peace is nice and all, but it's never going to happen, despite what you might write in your papers. You lie a lot. Oh well. It's more important that YOU get an A so that YOU get into law school. Because that's the first step to success.

HARD? Economics. Ambitious. Assured.

THE MESSENGERS: "He's only just out of prison, and he hadn't finished his tea when he was sent in... so you see he's very hungry and thirsty." As much as you'd like to keep the future piles of money you're going to make, it's all going to the villages back home because they need it. Either that, or you're going to forgo making future piles of money so you can become a corrupt government official back home. Because they need that too.

THE RED QUEEN: "Just as I'm five times as rich as you are, and five times as clever!" Those future piles of money? Oh, you're keeping all of it. You believe we just hate you cuz we're jealous. But it's not really true. Because Prada looks bad on you. Bitch.

Current Mood: bitchy
Current Location: holed up
Current Music: "Dollhouse" - Rasputina

Profile

intertribal

December 2017

S	M	T	W	T	F	S
					1	2
3	4	5	6	7	8	9
10	11	12	13	14	15	16
17	18	19	20	21	22	23
24	25	26	27	28	29	30
31

Syndicate

Page Summary

well, I guess I'm never flying on Continental, Delta, Northwest, United, or US Airways again.
airporttuesdaysugarmaphugs
I like my coffee au lait, just like my metal
on the power of positive thinking
wasted sundays
a description of many people you will meet at barnard
is YOUR roommate in love with her professor?
so I'm a hopeless romantic... is that so bad?
so, you wanna be a social scientist at the barnyard...

Style Credit

Style: Early Edition for Five AM by winterfish

Expand Cut Tags

No cut tags

Page generated Jul. 3rd, 2025 09:37 am

a sense of joy and then a panic

a sense of joy and then a panic

Entries tagged with bitches

well, I guess I'm never flying on Continental, Delta, Northwest, United, or US Airways again.

airporttuesdaysugarmaphugs

I like my coffee au lait, just like my metal

on the power of positive thinking

wasted sundays

a description of many people you will meet at barnard

is YOUR roommate in love with her professor?

so I'm a hopeless romantic... is that so bad?

so, you wanna be a social scientist at the barnyard...