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intertribalBefore you say "yes, yes it is", let me explain.
I believe that I am entitled to one night of junk food and the movie Independence Day.
How many times have I been caught watching Simon Pegg and Nick Frost with a huge grin on my face thinking "crap, I wish I was them."
I wish love were like in "Shaun of the Dead". Admit it, we're all looking for that killing, speeding, fence-hopping, zombie-acting, who's-gonna-shoot-who-first stuff. Yeah, that LOVE.
I get "high" off watching an awesome action movie, only to have it end and then realize that it's back to my dull life. I want fun, monsters, laughter, and sarcasm that comes only from Jeff Goldblum. I want to become an action movie hermit, and live out my fantasy in an "in-the-end-we-will-kick-those-Martians-to-Kingdom-Come" world.
I fall in love with a guy (may or may not be the lead) at the end of any action movie... you have to admit they are the last men on earth! guys from action movies include... will smith... denzel washington... jeff goldblum... simon pegg... christian bale... viggo mortensen... cillian murphy...
Real life sucks. But the recurring fact of the matter is that just like in all the cheap blockbusters, things totally suck before they outwit the evil empire and aim the nuclear missile away from that village of African orphans.
I feel my life story has played out like the stupidest, funniest, corniest, phoniest, tritest, most outlandish, histrionic, booze-guzzling, panic-inducing, B movie-like horror movie to end all horror movies.
Any boy who sits through "Sophie's Choice", "Beloved", or any of those other epic emotional horror movies is undoubtedly a keeper!
We eat Ramen noodles. We watch Jurassic Park. We discuss how the events and topics of the movie can relate to humanity's doom. It's fun! And it's great fellowship with friends! What more could a girl want?*
Oh yes, I also believe there are certain things guys should do for girls. Period. These are not rules, these are strong suggestions that are to push the male gender from retarded chickflick guys to normal imperfect guys.
1. Forget the girl's birthday. Only remember when he checks facebook, then writes a frantic message on her wall. He should be treated as if nothing happened.
2. Stop channelsurfing when football comes on the tube. Whine when the girl stops channelsurfing when iceskating comes on, then make fun of the male iceskaters.
3. Have a favorite sports team.
4. Enjoy going to a bar with friends to sing "Joy to the World" or "Stairway to Heaven" while plastered.
5. Remember to get a tux for the wedding. Remember to go to the wedding.
6. Introduce her to heavy metal, classic rock, grunge, and/or rap, if she is lacking in these areas.
7. Complain the entire time he is at a chick flick or musical, and probably opera as well.
8. Leave the toilet seat up, the toothpaste uncapped, and dirty boxers on the floor.
9. Watch "A Diamond is Forever" commercials and go, "that's dumb."
10. Leave her notes with links to funny videos on YouTube.
11. Wear baggy jeans and t-shirts.
12. Play "Streetfighter" or "Mortal Kombat" with little impressionable kids.
13. Say she looks hot, cute, pretty, sexy, good, whatever. Just do not call her ugly.
14. Don't ever pay less than half for the date. It's only fair.
15. Use the word bitch. Do not use the word cunt.
16. Use the word fuck. In fact, be able to quote the entire fuck sentence from Boondock Saints.
17. Buy junk food at the grocery store. Insist she eat some too.
18. Bash the Backstreet Boys.
If the male gender would like to become real men, however, here's some more rules to go along with the ones just mentioned.
1. Never ever forget to vote. Don't vote along party lines. Vote for issues, ideas, and track records.
2. Say the female iceskaters are anorexic.
3. Do not support said sports team when it is accused of facilitating a "rape-friendly" atmosphere (like U. Colorado-Boulder).
4. Don't go to the bar to pick up girls.
5. Mean those wedding vows.
6. Give Coldplay a chance.
7. Watch war movies with counterwar messages. Realize war is an unnecessary evil.
8. Go fix it if she yells at you.
9. Follow this up with, "I don't believe in buying conflict diamonds, baby." (seriously, this is so sexy)
10. Follow the links that she gives you. Reply and say they were funny/interesting/mind-boggling/whatever.
11. Don't ever criticize her clothing choice or insist that she look a certain way.
12. Do not play "Dead or Alive: Extreme Beach Volleyball", ever.
13. Say she's the most beautiful woman in the world, but only if you mean it.
14. Offer to pay for the date, but only if you can afford it. Hobos are not attractive.
15. Use the word bitch on, say, Arnold Schwarzenegger. To his face. That takes balls.
16. Motherfucker should be avoided if she has children, or if you're around your mother-in-law.
17. Offer to help anyone who's having trouble carrying anything at the grocery store.
18. Give the Spice Girls a chance.
So I'm a hopeless romantic... is that so bad?
All this is a response to Facebook groups - the "I Watch Chick Flicks and I'm Proud of It" groups, the "There Are Some Things Guys Should Do For Girls. Period" groups.
Related groups of these Facebook groups.
Chick Flicks --> True Love Waits --> American By Birth, Christian By Choice! --> Abortion is murder; I pray for my future beloved; I'M NOTHING WITHOUT GOD.
I Love A Good Chick Flick --> I am a Lady. --> Abortion is murder; I'm Saving Myself for Wild, Passionate, Awkward Honeymoon Sex --> If we came from monkeys, why are there still monkeys?
Life is like a chick flick... it's gotta suck before it gets good! --> In lOvE wItH pREtTy Men --> The Church of Jesus-Christ of Latter-Day Saints --> I'm Bringing Sexy Back.
Compare with one of my Facebook groups.
Dragon Ball Z Mother F*****" --> Barack Obama for President in 2008.
I win.
I believe that I am entitled to one night of junk food and the movie Independence Day.
How many times have I been caught watching Simon Pegg and Nick Frost with a huge grin on my face thinking "crap, I wish I was them."
I wish love were like in "Shaun of the Dead". Admit it, we're all looking for that killing, speeding, fence-hopping, zombie-acting, who's-gonna-shoot-who-first stuff. Yeah, that LOVE.
I get "high" off watching an awesome action movie, only to have it end and then realize that it's back to my dull life. I want fun, monsters, laughter, and sarcasm that comes only from Jeff Goldblum. I want to become an action movie hermit, and live out my fantasy in an "in-the-end-we-will-kick-those-Martians-to-Kingdom-Come" world.
I fall in love with a guy (may or may not be the lead) at the end of any action movie... you have to admit they are the last men on earth! guys from action movies include... will smith... denzel washington... jeff goldblum... simon pegg... christian bale... viggo mortensen... cillian murphy...
Real life sucks. But the recurring fact of the matter is that just like in all the cheap blockbusters, things totally suck before they outwit the evil empire and aim the nuclear missile away from that village of African orphans.
I feel my life story has played out like the stupidest, funniest, corniest, phoniest, tritest, most outlandish, histrionic, booze-guzzling, panic-inducing, B movie-like horror movie to end all horror movies.
Any boy who sits through "Sophie's Choice", "Beloved", or any of those other epic emotional horror movies is undoubtedly a keeper!
We eat Ramen noodles. We watch Jurassic Park. We discuss how the events and topics of the movie can relate to humanity's doom. It's fun! And it's great fellowship with friends! What more could a girl want?*
Oh yes, I also believe there are certain things guys should do for girls. Period. These are not rules, these are strong suggestions that are to push the male gender from retarded chickflick guys to normal imperfect guys.
1. Forget the girl's birthday. Only remember when he checks facebook, then writes a frantic message on her wall. He should be treated as if nothing happened.
2. Stop channelsurfing when football comes on the tube. Whine when the girl stops channelsurfing when iceskating comes on, then make fun of the male iceskaters.
3. Have a favorite sports team.
4. Enjoy going to a bar with friends to sing "Joy to the World" or "Stairway to Heaven" while plastered.
5. Remember to get a tux for the wedding. Remember to go to the wedding.
6. Introduce her to heavy metal, classic rock, grunge, and/or rap, if she is lacking in these areas.
7. Complain the entire time he is at a chick flick or musical, and probably opera as well.
8. Leave the toilet seat up, the toothpaste uncapped, and dirty boxers on the floor.
9. Watch "A Diamond is Forever" commercials and go, "that's dumb."
10. Leave her notes with links to funny videos on YouTube.
11. Wear baggy jeans and t-shirts.
12. Play "Streetfighter" or "Mortal Kombat" with little impressionable kids.
13. Say she looks hot, cute, pretty, sexy, good, whatever. Just do not call her ugly.
14. Don't ever pay less than half for the date. It's only fair.
15. Use the word bitch. Do not use the word cunt.
16. Use the word fuck. In fact, be able to quote the entire fuck sentence from Boondock Saints.
17. Buy junk food at the grocery store. Insist she eat some too.
18. Bash the Backstreet Boys.
If the male gender would like to become real men, however, here's some more rules to go along with the ones just mentioned.
1. Never ever forget to vote. Don't vote along party lines. Vote for issues, ideas, and track records.
2. Say the female iceskaters are anorexic.
3. Do not support said sports team when it is accused of facilitating a "rape-friendly" atmosphere (like U. Colorado-Boulder).
4. Don't go to the bar to pick up girls.
5. Mean those wedding vows.
6. Give Coldplay a chance.
7. Watch war movies with counterwar messages. Realize war is an unnecessary evil.
8. Go fix it if she yells at you.
9. Follow this up with, "I don't believe in buying conflict diamonds, baby." (seriously, this is so sexy)
10. Follow the links that she gives you. Reply and say they were funny/interesting/mind-boggling/whatever.
11. Don't ever criticize her clothing choice or insist that she look a certain way.
12. Do not play "Dead or Alive: Extreme Beach Volleyball", ever.
13. Say she's the most beautiful woman in the world, but only if you mean it.
14. Offer to pay for the date, but only if you can afford it. Hobos are not attractive.
15. Use the word bitch on, say, Arnold Schwarzenegger. To his face. That takes balls.
16. Motherfucker should be avoided if she has children, or if you're around your mother-in-law.
17. Offer to help anyone who's having trouble carrying anything at the grocery store.
18. Give the Spice Girls a chance.
So I'm a hopeless romantic... is that so bad?
All this is a response to Facebook groups - the "I Watch Chick Flicks and I'm Proud of It" groups, the "There Are Some Things Guys Should Do For Girls. Period" groups.
Related groups of these Facebook groups.
Chick Flicks --> True Love Waits --> American By Birth, Christian By Choice! --> Abortion is murder; I pray for my future beloved; I'M NOTHING WITHOUT GOD.
I Love A Good Chick Flick --> I am a Lady. --> Abortion is murder; I'm Saving Myself for Wild, Passionate, Awkward Honeymoon Sex --> If we came from monkeys, why are there still monkeys?
Life is like a chick flick... it's gotta suck before it gets good! --> In lOvE wItH pREtTy Men --> The Church of Jesus-Christ of Latter-Day Saints --> I'm Bringing Sexy Back.
Compare with one of my Facebook groups.
Dragon Ball Z Mother F*****" --> Barack Obama for President in 2008.
I win.
