a sense of joy and then a panic

Is Superman A Traitor?  "in the short story “The Incident” in Action Comics #900, Superman is renouncing his American citizenship." 

Result: A Little Bit of Cosmic Rage.  Aside from the "I will never buy DC comics again!" declarations, there's actually a decent amount of soul-searching in those comments.  I have zero investment in Superman, and I'm sure this will be (a) contradicted by some previous incident, and/or (b) retconned, so I'm not sure if it's that big of a deal.  But commenter Daniella thinks it's a very big deal: "The reason he stands for truth justice and the American way is because those are God given morals. He wouldn't be Superman if he hadnt been raised by God fearing farmers from Kansas."

BUT, on a more serious note back at the first link, Bryan Reesman says: "Is Superman only considered so by us if he is an American? Is a hero only someone who allies himself with one side or one country? Isn’t a hero someone who commits selfless acts to save people, prevent catastrophe, stand up for important values or to improve people’s lives? And is a hero allowed to speak their mind and express their beliefs beyond their actions?"

That last sentence might actually be the most interesting (the other questions, and their answers, are a little too obvious for me).  That there's the kind of thing that fits mighty fine in my novel, the whole hero/puppet/golem thing.  And I love that it's being posed in the context of one of the most quintessentially heroic heroes instead of the antiheroes, who usually get this kind of introspection.  I know I'm in the minority on this one, but I've always found heroic heroes to be much more interesting than antiheroes, which is actually why I'll probably never get into GrimDark fantasy...

One of Reesman's commenters adds: "I must say that, as an Australian, I haven’t ever thought of Superman as a purely American hero. He has been a role model for people all around the globe. I don’t know if I would feel differently about this if I was American or not, but considering Superman came from ANOTHER PLANET entirely, I don’t see why people would complain."

Can I just say how much this reminds of various arguments in the DBZ fandom (which seems almost without exception to be extremely hawkish, often socially conservative - gee, I can't imagine why - as well as oddly religious)?  Rather delicious, really.

I'm making this call based somewhat off comments on Idol-watching blogs and somewhat off the American political scene today.  And a bit based off American Idol's own trends. 

American Idol's past three winners have been different versions of the same basic type: the safe white male (by safe I mean unthreatening to middle class, white America).  First we have David Cook, who I liked.  In the finals he was up against an extremely tweeny, made-for-Disney little LDS boy, David Archuleta.  Next season, I believe, was the breaking point.  It was spring of 2009 and Obama was new in office and conservatives were beginning to freak out over "losing our country."  In AI world, Kris Allen defeated Adam Lambert in the finals.  Lambert is my mother's favorite Idol contestant of all time.  He's also openly gay.  One might even say "flamboyant."  Kris Allen wasn't a bad singer, but he was very boring, and he was very safe - especially contrasted to Adam Lambert (who got the Teen Choice Award over Allen).  Churches in the South, where Allen is from, got mobilized to vote Allen in over Lambert, and were at least somewhat supported by AT&T.  Season 9's winner, Lee DeWyze, is in my opinion the worst winner - or finalist - Idol's ever had.  He was up against a white mother who sang pretty good folk music and wore dreadlocks, Crystal Bowersox.  But I predicted, correctly, that DeWyze would win - because the judges were pumping him up as a "steadily improving" diamond in the rough, and thus an "underdog," and because he was totally, totally, safe. 

I would also say that from Cook to Allen to DeWyze there has been a slide toward country music.  Further, AI has always had a voting bloc dominated by women who don't like other women, meaning female contestants drop like flies unless they have very solid fanbases.  In general, a bad male singer will last longer than a bad female singer on AI, and will often last longer than a good female singer as well. All this is especially interesting given that Seasons 1-6 were won by two black girls, two white girls, one black guy, and one gray-haired white guy.  So basically after six seasons of various kinds of diversity, we suddenly had three seasons of white male winners.  I hope it doesn't coincide with the racial hysteria gripping the country, but I'm pretty sure it does. 

So here we are in Season 10.  These trends are coming to a head.  We've got a boatload of talented singers who are all, in some way, threatening to middle class, white America. 

Among the men: scruffy Casey Abrams, who's white but sings like Screamin' Jay Hawkins, Hot Topic-inspired James Durbin, who has Tourette's and Asperger's and wears a tail, weird ass Paul McDonald, who's Thom Yorke on antidepressants, ballad-singer Stefano Langone, who's Italian, and Jacob Lusk, who's the most frightening of all.  He's black.  He comes from gospel, and sings like it.  He's emotional.  And the judges really, really, really like him.  There's been incredible blowback against Lusk from women on the internet named "Barbara" and the like, who think he can't sing, think he's over the top, can't handle his gestures or movements or facial expressions, and are basically just terrified - terrified! - of gospel.  My mother thinks he's the next Adam Lambert, and is in love.  I also like Lusk a great deal. 

Among the women: ballad-singer Pia Toscano, who looks like a lost Kardashian sister but sings like Celine Dion, country Christian blonde Lauren Alaina, who isn't really all that country and is not near as glam (nor, I predict, as presentable) as Carrie Underwood, lounge singer Haley Reinhart, who's white but sings funk and Motown and is probably going home tonight, sweet little boring Asian girl Thia Megia, who is probably going home next week, and Naima Adedapo, who actually broke out the African dance routine last night.  Yeah, good luck to you, Naima.  The public has already succeeded in knocking off "baby Diana Ross" Ashthon Jones and "baby Selena" Karen Rodriguez, who actually said things like "America needs a Latina idol" and sung songs partly in Spanish.  Yeah.  Bad move, Karen.

My mother and I have been watching since Season 1 and my mother thinks it's the most talented group they've ever had - I would certainly say it's the most interesting.  But there's not a lot of options here for the conservative AI fanbase to get behind.  Pia and Lauren will be the last two girls standing, and some say Pia will win because she's such a classic Idol type, but I doubt it.  The guys' field is more open, but there's a real lack of a Safe White Male in that bunch.  

BUT WAIT.  I'M MISSING SOMEBODY.  I'M MISSING THE ONLY OPTION... THE ANSWER TO ALL OUR PRAYERS... YOUR NEXT AMERICAN IDOL... SCOTTY MCCREERY. 

Scotty McCreery sings country.  That's all that Scotty sings - it was Motown night last night and he turned a Motown song into a country song, because damn if he's gonna sing Motown, y'all.  Whereas all those other weird/multi-ethnic contestants all claimed to grow up listening to Motown, Scotty had never even heard it!  Now the fact that he sticks to his genre is totally A-OK, even though Jacob is totally not allowed to stick to gospel.  Now, he is more country than AI usually goes.  AI has never gone for someone this country.  Carrie Underwood could and would sing mainstream pop songs when she was on AI, and Scotty, I predict, will not.  But part of Scotty's appeal is his extreme country-ness, this "back to your America" Americana that he presents.  He plays on a baseball team.  He looks like a cross between Alfred E. Neuman and George W. Bush.  He's young: 17.  He comes across as a nice guy.  He's utterly lacking in any kind of "crazy."  Lots of girls scream when he comes on the stage.  And he's Christian, wears a big cross.  In the words of one CNN iReport writer, he "can do no wrong," despite an unimpressive voice and an extremely narrow range. 

The AI public's going to be faced with an exaggerated version of the same choice they've had to make in the past couple seasons: safety versus talent (exaggerated because Scotty is so white that he's almost a parody of white America, and because he is surrounded by so many singers of superior talent).  I think they're going to go for what's safe.  They need something to cling to, after all, what with all the illegals trying to take their jobs and the Muslims trying to blow them up and the blacks trying to take their promotions and the black socialist Muslim Kenyan president in office. 

So there you have it: you heard it here first (maybe).  Scotty McCreery, American Idol 2011.

From Richard Seymour (Lenin's Tomb), "A community of heroes":

Roosevelt et al contended that to save America, a new frontier was needed: by waging wars of expansion, always with the fondest motives, always with civilisation and Christian virtue in mind, Americans would be impressed by their collective power and would "come to see themselves, as they had done in the Civil War, the Indian Wars, and in the colonization of new land, as a community of heroes engaged in a struggle upon which the future of humanity depended." Well, if that isn't American imperialist ideology to a tee. The firefighter, policeman, intrepid reporter, blue-collar bum, incorruptible union activist, brave American soldier - heroism is the supreme imperialist virtue (even if its application is cowardly, corrupt, venal, brutal, and in general as unlikely to inspire admiration as any form of human conduct).

In the comments somebody mentioned "tough trucks (heroic trucks)".  Like so:

French Open starts tomorrow!  I'm predicting a lot of rage in terms of the results (can't have 2009 every year, I suppose), but I still love the French Open.  The French Open is like, the soccer tournament of the Grand Slams.  There are few things more amusing than watching the French spectators heckle the American players and the American players scream at the umpire in retaliation. 

Ridiculous things that have happened at the French Open:I don't have any tennis gifs, so have a figure-skating gif (Yagudin was actually my favorite male figure-skater when I was a kid, so it is posted with affection):

Long ass story about how I got to this site (and it does not involve my own feelings toward America), but I thought the different laws states have for flag abuse were kind of neat-o.  I can only conclude there are no Bloods in Oklahoma or South Dakota.

Colorado
The State of Colorado makes it a Class 3 misdemeanor for anyone to burn, cut or tear any U.S. flag in public with the intent to cast contempt or ridicule upon the flag, to outrage the sensibilities of a person likely to observe the incident or to cause a breach of the peace. [Colo. Rev. Stat. Sec. 18-11-204]

Georgia
The State of Georgia prohibits anyone from mutilating, defacing, defiling, or abusing contemptuously the U.S. flag, the Georgia state flag or the flag of the Confederate States of America. The law also forbids the use of such flags for advertising or publicity purposes. [Ga. Code Ann. Sec. 50-3-8 and 50-3-9]

Kentucky
The State of Kentucky makes it a Class A misdemeanor for anyone to desecrate the U.S. flag, the Kentucky state flag or any other patriotic or religious symbol. [Ky. Rev. Stat. Ann. Sec. 525.110]

Montana
The State of Montana imposes a fine of up to $50,000 and a jail term up to 10 years on anyone convicted of mutilating, defiling or showing contempt for the U.S. flag or the Montana state flag. The law also forbids the use of such flags for advertising or publicity purposes. [Mont. Code Ann. Sec. 45-8-215]

New Jersey
The State of New Jersey prohibits anyone from desecrating any public monument or symbol, including the U.S. or any state flag. [ N.J. Stat. Ann. Sec. 2C:33-9]

New York
The State of New York makes it a misdemeanor for anyone to use the U.S. flag for advertising or publicity purposes. [N.Y. Gen. Bus. Law Sec. 136]

Oklahoma
The State of Oklahoma imposes a fine up to $3,000 and a jail term up to three years for anyone who contemptuously or maliciously burns, mutilates, defaces or tramples upon the U.S. flag. The law forbids the public display of any red flag or other banner indicating disloyalty to the U.S. Government or promoting a belief in anarchy or the destruction of organized government. The law also forbids the use of the U.S. flag for advertising or publicity purposes. [Okla. Stat. tit. 9, Sec. 21-371 through 21-375]

South Dakota
The State of South Dakota makes it a Class 1 misdemeanor for anyone to knowingly mutilate, deface, burn or trample upon the U.S. flag or the South Dakota state flag. The law also forbids the use of such flags for advertising or publicity purposes. The law also bans the display of red, black or any other flags antagonistic to existing government. [S.D. Codified Laws Sec. 22-9-1 through 22-9-13]

West Virginia
The State of West Virginia imposes a fine of between $5 and $100 and a jail term up to 30 days on anyone convicted of publicly mutilating, defacing, defiling or trampling upon the U.S. flag or the West Virginia state flag. The law also forbids the use of such flags for advertising or publicity purposes. [W. Va. Code Sec. 61-1-8]

Wisconsin
The Wisconsin Supreme Court struck down the state’s flag-desecration law in 1998 as unconstitutionally overbroad. The case was Wisconsin v. Jansen, 580 N.W.2d 260, 219 Wis.2d 362 (Wis. 1998). Subsequent attempts by the state Legislature to redraft the statute have not succeeded.

Wyoming and Alaska are the only remaining states without a law against desecrating the American flag. Wyoming does have a clause in its state flag code that declares “all penalties provided by the laws of this state for the misuse of the national flag are applicable to the state flag,” but no such penalties seem to exist.

G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra is one of the worst movies I have ever seen. I literally laughed my way through it, me and Christina. But no one else in the theater was laughing - God knows why, because read as a comedy, it's ridiculously funny.

A while back I did a critique-by-evidence of the G.I. Joe franchise. I think I'll do the same thing for this movie. After all, I could tell you that the directing, acting, and writing were all shit. But "show, don't tell," right?

First, our cast - and names et al. may not be correct. I refuse to look things up for G.I. Joe.

GOOD GUYS

• Duke: Channing Tatum as, and I quote, "a real American hero" with a vaguely trailer-trash accent. Occasionally seen on Harley in sunglasses. Mostly seen being the best at everything. In the top tenth percentile of all G.I. Joes!
• Ripcord, aka The Jokey Black Guy: A very sad rip-off of Will Smith's character in Independence Day. Except he's in love with a white chick. See below.
• Scarlet: Neither annoying nor impressive. She's a girl, so she fucks up and gets carried. Has random skills that occasionally come in handy in anti-climactic moments.
• Moroccan Guy: The techie is NOT MIDDLE-EASTERN, OKAY. He's MOROCCAN. He speaks FRENCH.
• Angry Black Guy: Unlike Ripcord, never smiles. Supposed to be British but only has accent 20% of the time.
• Snake Eyes: Ninja without a face who doesn't talk. Somehow in a relationship with Scarlet, except she seems to be bored of him by the end. Not that I blame her.
• General Hawk: Dennis Quaid decides to play this "commander" role as a bright-eyed, strong-jawed cheerleader without pom-poms.
• Blondie: General Hawk's seemingly Swedish assistant.

BAD GUYS

• Scottish Guy: Obsessed with metal masks and arms dealing and being Scottish. Somehow owns a powerful weapons corporation, despite being Scottish. Really though. Scotland? Arms trade? Also, hates French people, but the FRENCH SUCK ANYWAY. Has no other motivation.
• The Baroness: Dominatrix-librarian type (black hair, glasses) who wears low-cut corsets in the snow and sashays her way everywhere. Used to be a good guy, when she was blonde and engaged to Duke. Extremely ineffective villain because of her affection for Duke.  She's a girl, so she fucks up and gets carried.
• Mysterious Masked Man: Seems to have a fetish for gas masks and cobras. All about injecting people in the neck with nanomites and making them obedient golems, for no apparent reason.
• Asian Guy: Snake Eyes' adversary from childhood, when they were both trained by a kung fu master straight out of the 18th century.
• Guy From The Mummy: Face-shifter who likes to whistle ominously.

This is the kind of movie that is just ruined by knowing anything about the way the real world works. I'm sure it's fine for 10-year-olds, but that any adult could sit through this movie and take it is just really sad. The above description of the cast should demonstrate the level of artistry and depth involved in this project. The thing is, it could have been made enjoyable as an action movie if it had just abided by some basic logical truths. I don't mean all the scientific implausibilities, like safely ejecting out of an airplane from somewhere in the stratosphere or extracting the memories of dead people by sticking tubes in their brain (this is where what you want is fantasy, guys, not science fiction) - but just, you know, basic flaws in reasoning.

• A super secret, international military unit chaired by the U.S. (Team Alpha) would probably not be based in Egypt, and especially not right by the pyramids. Egypt isn't so big on the whole other-countries-infringing-on-it-thing.
• A super secret, international military unit would have way better security than the kind displayed here. I'm talking waaaaaaaay better security.
• A super secret, international military unit would prefer to stay super secret and not parade itself all over Paris, killing lots of people in the process.
• A super secret, international military unit would not exist, because there is no way all those countries would "share intel" with each other, let alone agree on who the bad guys were. They also would not have funding. And NATO would never let them exist, let alone take control of NATO-developed weaponry. Etc., etc.

I don't claim to know much about the military. I've only been to one military function. But I'm pretty sure the military doesn't look like this. I mean, it's so unrealistic - and not all that cool, either, despite the movie's efforts to be a special effects visionary in the vein of Iron Man, which incidentally I also viewed with disdain - that I don't think it would even serve as a recruting tool. The only parts of the military that feel somewhat authentic take place in the Mid East in flashback form, and the whole thing is a great display of the U.S. military's shoot-myself-in-the-foot incompetence.

So... yeah. This is Hasbro's movie, as the opening credits make abundantly clear. Not the U.S. military's. Unless the U.S. military's incompetence is even worse than I thought. Let me put it this way: this is way worse than the recruiting ads they put on television. It's not the kind of movie that offends anything except your intelligence. The action is mildly entertaining, but it relies very heavily on slow-mo and CG - sometimes crisp CG, but too often sloppy and unconvincing. Not a lot of blood. The occasional "shit." On the intensity level, it's a 2.  It's a movie made by a toy company. And it shows all over.

The only good part about this movie was that the little heroin overlord from Tropic Thunder, Brandon Soo Hoo, played Young Asian Guy. I love that kid and I'm glad he's getting work.

I'm tempted to say the worst part of this movie was everything else, but I think it was actually Dennis Quaid.

So the U.S. Navy killed 3 pirates to rescue Captain Richard Phillips.

This was to be expected (seriously, can our military resolve anything without killing people? no), but it's still sort of startling.  On the trip to Montauk last Friday the girls in the back of the van were expressing disdain over the fact that the U.S. Navy was suddenly putting massive amounts of energy into rescuing one American, when pirates have been tilling the world's seas for years and, well, it's only one American.  My reaction to their disdain was, "well, what do you expect them to do?" and I maintain that stance.  It's actually the one thing I think the military should be kept around for: protecting citizens abroad.  I don't mean protecting citizens from their own mistakes - and believe me, the U.S. government doesn't give a shit about all the Americans "locked up abroad" (foreign service officers will visit them every once in a while, and that's about it) - but protecting citizens from criminals and psychos.  Of course, the military should cooperate with any foreign government involved, and that's what embassies are there for, and in less intense situations it should be a SWAT-team-like combo of the military and the FBI, not like, tanks rolling down the streets - but on international waters, who's going to help Captain Phillips?  No one but the U.S. Navy.  The number one duty of a state is protecting its citizens, after all.

The problem is overkill.  Americans do that a lot.  The problem is instead of spending our massive defense budget on making weapons that will secure the situation without killing anyone, we spend it on making weapons that will kill more precisely, more efficiently, more spectacularly, more mechanically, whatever.  The problem is we like to shoot first and ask questions later.  It's the "cowboy hero" in us, and it's a bad habit, ridiculously reactionary.  Now we're debating whether to arm ship crews - even though the crews say they don't really want more weapons on board, because that might just invite more pirates to come steal the weapons.  My God, it's so typical.  Just like the 9/11 debates we had with foreign countries about stepping up their counter-terrorism - we wanted more armed forces and police, they were afraid that would just spark a backlash.  But hell, you know, this is one of those Vietnam lessons we never learned - we really just want to march into countries and shoot the whole place up and love the smell of napalm in the morning cuz that'll put fear of God in the hearts of the Communists... consequences not really be damned, just ignored.  What do you mean we haven't won their hearts and minds?  What do you mean collateral damage?  We killed the bad guys!  The townsfolk should be happy!

So of course we killed three pirates, of course we now want to put weapons on ships.  We put weapons on planes after 9/11, didn't we?  Honestly I'm surprised we didn't decide to invade Somalia like we did Afghanistan.  

I mean, look.  Pancho Villa kills a few soldiers in Texas -> General Pershing tries to invade Mexico.  We have no idea how to solve problems without making them worse.

When Condoleeza Rice tried to get Indonesian President Yudhoyono to step up military and police counter-terrorism efforts, he gave the counter-suggestion of stepping up education to keep terrorism from forming in the first place.  He's absolutely right.  And given that Somali pirates became pirates because big corporations had over-fished and polluted the ocean and they could no longer be fishermen - so they turned to piracy - we should invest in a more constructive, proactive solution in this case too.  "Blowing pirates out of the water" as they approach commercial vessels is not proactive.  It's also yucky P.R.

I agree with this person: "While it is understandable that the crew of the Alabama would be relieved with the rescue of their captain, the picture of the crew with American flag and obvious gestures of thumbs up and “We’re number 1” is unfortunate.  What transpired is not a pretty picture with too much Hollywood fiction coming to life. While captain Richard Phillips captors deserve little sympathy, the devolution of this event into a triumph of patriotism and derring-do says more about our national impulse to celebrate the use of violence to solve problems than it does about any willingness, or dare I say capability, to reach a greater understanding about the world in which we live.  The President will call the captain a hero and we will forgo an opportunity to elevate our national character which must appear as crass, unthinking and immature as Somalian life is rife with desperation and poverty."

So, in honor of a post in moviebuffs that startled the hell out of me with its title ("Yo Joe!") and gave me a truly insane thought for a second, but was actually about the new G.I. Joe movie that's slated to come out this year (kill me now, I know), I decided to write a list of things I consider insane about G.I. Joe. You can dissect a lot about the the intersection of consumerism and norms/stereotypes in America from G.I. Joe, so I guess that's one good thing that came out of this piece of shit franchise.

1. I really wonder what would happen if you mapped the popularity of the dolls against U.S. presidents. For example, a successful G.I. Joe re-launch, A Real American Hero, took place in 1982, one year after Ronald Reagan took office.

2. List of people honored with G.I. Joe figures includes:

• Colin Powell and George Washington, two people I would never associate with G.I. Joe.
• Harrison Ford - as Indiana Jones. So in other words Indiana Jones has been honored with a G.I. Joe figure.
• Robert E. Lee. But not Ulysses S. Grant.

3. In a 1985 tv show, the G.I. Joe team was matched up against COBRA, a "ruthless terrorist organization determined to rule the world." I wonder if Bush watched this as a child, I mean, oil company CEO. COBRA features such characters as:

• The Baroness, the only female character with dark hair. She wears glasses. And wears leather. And she starts off in the movie, at least, in "student radicalism".
• Major Bludd, an Australian mercenary who writes very bad poetry.
• The Dreadnoks, Everglade bikers who like chocolate-covered donuts and grape soda.
• Zartan, who looks like a Thundercat to me.

4. G.I. Joe Extreme has the tagline "Extreme times call for extreme heroes!" G.I. Joe Extreme fights a different ruthless terrorist organization, SKAR, which stands for Soldiers of Kaos, Anarchy, and Ruin. They are led by Iron Klaw.

5. Speaking of Ks, the leader of COBRA, Cobra Commander, appears at least mildly inspired by the Ku Klux Klan.

6. The first female G.I. Joe, Action Nurse, failed.

7. On to the (main) G.I. Joe team itself.

• The fan-favorite/protagonist G.I. Joe, Duke, grew up in St. Louis, Missouri. But he can speak "several Southeast Asian dialects", thanks to the "South Vietnamese Tribesmen" he worked with.
• Main babe Scarlett is from Atlanta, Georgia. She graduated summa cum laude "from a prestigious university" and also passed the bar exam.
• Token black guy Stalker grew up in Detroit, Michigan. He was a leader of a street gang. His real name is Lonzo. You can't make this stuff up.
• Token black guy #2, Roadblock, is from Biloxi, Mississippi. He is both a heavy machine gunner and the cook. He also speaks in rhyme.
• Resident dumb fuck Flint is from Wichita, Kansas.
• Resident ho Cover Girl is from Peoria, Illinois and used to be a high fashion model, but she found that work "unfulfilling", so she joined the Army.
• On G.I. Joe Extreme, a character named Tracker has a trained wolf named Dakota and ESP. Three guesses as to Tracker's ethnicity, and the first two don't count.
• Token Asian is named Tunnel Rat. That is all.
• Token Asian #2 is named Quick Kick. And his parents had a grocery store. Okay, that's really all.

8. Channing Tatum, who plays Duke in the new movie, originally wanted no part of G.I. Joe because he felt it "glorified war" (he'd just finished filming an "anti-war" movie, Stop-Loss). But then he decided it was more like X-Men and Star Wars than a war movie, so he said okay.

And now for a different military Joe - Joe Bonham of Johnny Got His Gun - a quadruple amputee whose face has been blown off on the last day of a war that was already won.

He thought here you are Joe Bonham lying like a side of beef all the rest of your life and for what? Somebody tapped you on the shoulder and said come along son we're going to war. So you went.