a sense of joy and then a panic

I take the Jung personality test every six months or so, and I haven't changed since high school. I do not consciously keep trying to get this result.  I didn't think I even liked certainty.  Kiersey's profile is actually my favorite description, probably because it's by Kiersey instead of some schmuck in psychology school:

However, I do not appreciate having as one of my suggested careers "dictator" - referring, I guess, to other INTJs: Caesar, Hannibal (both the original and Lecter), Peter the Great, Donald Rumsfeld, Colin Powell, JFK, Woodrow Wilson.  I take heart in someone's decision that Batman is an INTJ, as well as Clarice Starling and Gandalf, although I'm not sure about Mr. Darcy's inclusion, but then again, Jane Austen is an INTJ.  Maybe he's really an author-insert.  Nietzsche - cool.  Ayn Rand - not so much.  And so on.  Unsurprisingly, women get more flak for showing their INTJ tendencies than men (Q: Are female INTJs less feminine than women of other temperaments?  A: Female INTJs are just as feminine as they want to be.  They can be just as sweet and sexy as the next women if they feel like.  They are just opinionated and don't put up with stupidity for long.), which may reflect the distribution of gender in my list.

Although the Enneagram results are sort of new to me.  Apparently most INTJs test as a Type 5, not 3.  I've always suspected that my locus of control is external rather than internal, which according to psychology texts is very bad.  Makes you think you're not in control of your own life, makes you more prone to depression, makes you fatalistic, makes you - if you were a dog in a lab - let yourself be electrocuted despite the open door (escape) because you don't believe that the door is really open. 


But wait, according to being an INTJ, I should be internally, rather than externally, motivated.  The Scientist, it says.  But I am not a Scientist, and God is the ultimate INTJ. 

I do appreciate, however, some of Amanda Doerr's advice for "dealing with INTJs":
1.  Be willing to back up your statements with facts - or at least some pretty sound reasoning.
2.  Don't expect them to respect you or your viewpoints just because you say so.
3.  Be willing to concede when you are wrong.
4.  Try not to be repetitive.  It annoys them.
5.  Do not feed them a line of bull.
6.  Expect debate.
7.  Do not mistake the strength of your conviction with the strength of your argument.
8.  Do not be surprised at sarcasm.
9.  Remember that INTJs believe in workable solutions.
10.  Do not expect INTJs to actually care about how you view them.  They already know that they are arrogant bastards with a morbid sense of humor.  Telling them the obvious accomplishes nothing.

Is it a telling sign that my NYTimes update email was called "Today's Headlines: null"? I need to take my mind off this story (which is now called "Everyone I Love Has Died", how's that for bright and shiny?) and off corruption (research) because those two things have combined to make me feel not-myself. In other words, I need to take quizzes.



Ah, that feels better!

Also:


Here's an interesting tidbit of info from the front: Army Enlists Anthropology in War Zones.  I'm not sure how it'll work, but it seems like a step in the right direction.  Also, I love George Clooney.  Why are all his movies amazing?  

eventually I'll be writing about the trip, but for now, I'm too tired, sleepy, and above all, achy.  for now: 1) "stickwitu" by the pussycat dolls is not a hot song.  the pussycat dolls are not actually hot.  "wolf like me" by tv on the radio is a hot song.  2) connie rubirosa is my new favorite a.d.a. on law & order.  3) userpics will be changing soon.  beware the change.  4) when people ask me what my favorite color is, I'm going to start saying pink punk. 

***movie meme***
first movie you saw in theaters: --- maaaybe Aladdin
favorite movie: --- Akira, Hot Fuzz
movie you've watched the most: --- Jurassic Park, Lord of the Rings trilogy
scariest movie: --- The Grudge, 28 Weeks Later
funniest movie: --- Hot Fuzz, Shaun of the Dead, Little Miss Sunshine
saddest movie: --- Boys Don't Cry, Sophie's Choice
movie you've walked out of/wanted to walk out of: --- The Producers
most disturbing movie: --- Juliet of the Spirits
favorite childhood movie: --- The Lion King
movie that reminds you of your friends: --- Hot Fuzz, Shaun of the Dead
movie that reminds you of your family: --- The Lion King, Proof
movie you know the most lines from: --- Lord of the Rings
movie you didn't understand: --- Mulholland Drive, Juliet of the Spirits, Being John Malkovich
favorite soundtrack: --- Solaris
favorite cult classic: --- Koyaanisqatsi
favorite sex scene: --- Unfaithful
favorite costumes: --- Curse of the Golden Flower
favorite movie quote: --- "Where you're going is the only place in the world where the geese chase you" - The Lost World
favorite sequel: --- The Lost World
favorite movie character: --- Kaneda (Akira), Aragorn (LOTR), Frank (Little Miss Sunshine)
worst movie character: --- Theoden (Lord of the Rings), everyone in Pretty Woman, Sandra Bullock in everything
favorite movie snack: --- popcorn
favorite movie theatre: --- Lincoln Center
favorite movie set: --- Lord of the Rings (i.e., New Zealand)
favorite screenplay: --- Little Miss Sunshine
favorite actress/actor: --- Cate Blanchett, Julianne Moore, Kate Winslet / Joaquin Phoenix, Christian Bale, Denzel Washington
***

inspired by the facebook group kim joined earlier this year, "Help!  My Roommate is in Love with Her Professor!" and my own need to distinguish various girl student - male teacher relationships, to avoid being mistaken for the wrong type of coed. 

This is kind of an unusual quiz.  It operates by checks.  It's separated into categories.  Check every statement in each category that coincides, then count up the checks.  Whichever category has the most checks is your winner.

Category A
_  She says he's confident, but he's full of himself, and doesn't always know what he's talking about.
_  She keeps a list of mistakes he's made and puts it on the internet.
_  She likes to hog discussion time and talks down to other students.
_  She's very concerned about advancing in her field.
_  She likes getting into fights with him.
_  She might sleep with him just because she wants a challenge.
_  She forms opinions quickly and has no doubt that she's right.
_  She believes intelligence and correctness is the most important trait of a professor.

Category H
_  She says he's a moron. 
_  She never goes to office hours.
_  If he asked her to get drinks, she would attack him with pepper spray, claw his eyes out, make sure he's fired, and have him arrested.
_  She doesn't respond to his questions in class.
_  She doesn't understand how he got hired.
_  She didn't change her mind about anything even though he tried to convince her otherwise.
_  She writes bad reviews of him.
_  She does the readings, but throws everything away at the end of the year.

Category O
_  She says he's a good lecturer.
_  She does everything she has to do, but no more than that.
_  She took his class because her friends were taking it.
_  She skims the readings.
_  She only complains about class when there's a lot of homework.
_  She's never googled him. 
_  She's talked while he's lecturing.
_  She rarely brings him up, and certainly not during semester breaks.

Category V
_  She says he's hot.
_  She always wears low-cut shirts to class.
_  She giggles and wiggles a lot when she sees him.
_  She doesn't get her work done.
_  She's not very interested in the subject.
_  She's like this with all her male professors.
_  She really wants As, but she's not all that smart.
_  Friendly, nice professors are her favorite.

Category T
_  She says he's a genius.
_  She laughs very loudly at his jokes.
_  She rattles on and on after class about points he made, on every argument, straight from her exhaustive notes.
_  She thinks his wife and children are really cute and perfect.
_  She buys him Christmas presents.
_  She has a life outside of him.
_  She's considering this major just because he's such an awesome professor.
_  She often refers to him in a parental way.

Category N
_  She says he's a genius, hot, and a good lecturer.  And doesn't know why he's not tenured yet.
_  She knows where he lives.
_  She doesn't like to remember that he's married.
_  She constantly does all her work and her grades drop in other classes because of her attention to his class.
_  She dedicates Tegan & Sara songs to him.
_  She wants to know his life story.
_  She's jealous of other students when they get too close to him.
_  She has a list of little quotes of his that appear meaningless to most people.


ARCHANGEL (SATAN).  Your roommate's not in love with her professor - she thinks she's smarter than him.  Of course, she thinks she's smarter than everyone.  She seeks to rise in the ranks and possibly knock him off the top.  She will have succeeded when she publishes that controversial book that disproves everything he's been saying for the past ten years.  However, she doesn't actually think he's as dumb as she may say - she knows he's formidable - and does not dislike him as a person.

HERETIC.   Congratulations, your roommate is not in love with her professor.  She hates him, in fact.  The thought of him repulses her, and given the chance she would like to strike him down - but hell, he's not really worth the effort of a big sabotage attempt.  She won't be discussing him any further and will forget about him soon enough, except maybe to tell friends to steer clear of him. 

ON THE PEWS.  Your roommate is not in love with her professor.  She's indifferent and treats him like she would any other professor.  He may make some small minimal impact, and she might save a couple of the readings, and certainly boast about her grades, but no more than that.  She won't try to befriend him or send him emails, and doesn't plan on seeing him again, because he's not very important to her.

VIRGIN SLUT.  Unfortunately, your roommate is a ho.  Your roommate is not in love with her professor, but she's in lust with him, and hopes that the feeling is reciprocated - it's her only chance at getting straight As.  She chooses classes based on professors she predicts will be likely to be nice to her or at least want to bone her, expects to get good grades in return, and calls this networking.  She doesn't actually give a shit about him, though, so after the final grades are posted, he's dead to her. 

THEOLOGIAN.  There is love, but it's strictly platonic, as well as harmless and unlikely to cause mental duress.  She regards him as a father figure.  She will get starry-eyed when she hears the man speak forevermore, probably dedicate her thesis to him, and create a facebook group in his honor.  In return, she will get glowing recommendations.  She will also, however, have boyfriends, a regular life, and simply tell her children about good old Professor So-and-So and what he taught her about the aboriginal tribes of Papua New Guinea. 

NUN.  Yes, your roommate is in love with her professor.  Completely and utterly.  It will probably fuck her up for at least a while.  While the attraction is sexual, your roommate is not a ho and will probably never sleep with the professor, because she would not want to risk him being censured.  She cares about him as a person, admires him greatly, feels sharp emotional pangs around him, probably thinks about him many times throughout the day, and lives not for the good grades on her papers but the comments in the margins.

from the website gurlpages.  Don't laugh.  This is my quiz result for "what temperament are you", although I already knew all this.  However, I think their list of famous melancholics is quite funny. 

According to Galen's ancient theory of temperaments, people with melancholic temperaments are often perfectionists, and are analytically oriented. They are said to be sensitive and loving, but may also be hard to please because of their high standards. Because of their sensitivity, they often prefer a smaller group of friends, and don't feel as comfortable in large groups.

Do you find yourself paying more attention to the details than the big picture? Pursuit of perfection in a world where not everything is perfect may lead to disappointment...but armed with an unfailing sense of curiosity and purpose, those with melancholic temperaments are bound to find solutions to even the most frustrating of problems.

famous idealists: mother teresa, queen elizabeth ii, barbara walters, special agent mulder ("the x-files")

Another meme from Kim. 

List seven songs you are into right now. No matter what the genre, whether they have words, or even if they're any good, they must be songs you are presently enjoying. Post these instructions in your Live Journal along with your seven songs. Then tag seven other people to see what they're listening to.

1. Rammstein - Moskau
2. Peaches - Fuck the Pain Away
3. Deftones - Back to School
4. Jack Off Jill - When I Am Queen
5. Rammstein - Amerika
6. Rammstein - Mein Teil
7. The Knife - Heartbeats

Tag people?  Pshh!

As you can see, I have very much enjoyed discovering Rammstein in the past year.