here comes mary, all dressed in black

[intertribal]

I have written/elaborated on an outline for the novel (yes, the same one I've been "working on" for the past 6 years).  It is 16 pages (9,700 words = 10% of the novel's projected word count) long.  I think my goal is to somehow write the novel by continuously elaborating on the outline?  I guess this puts to rest any idea that I might be a pantser instead of a plotter.  LOLOLOL.  Don't even tell me if this isn't going to work, all you people who have successfully written novels.  That's pretty much what I accomplished over university closedown.  I didn't do any work on short stories, people.  But good news is, the two short stories I spent autumn working on - "Absolute Zero" and "Infested" - both made it into the anthologies they were written for (Creature!  Thirty Years of Monster Stories, ed. Paul Tremblay and John Langan, and Bewere The Night, ed. Ekaterina Sedia).  Just got the acceptance for the latter story this afternoon before I headed out for New Year's, so I was already in a chipper state before I had the ouzo.

The Twilight Zone marathon has been on SyFy all day.  Saw "The Monsters Are Due On Maple Street" earlier.  Still a great and necessary story about I-have-seen-the-enemy-and-it-is-us in my book, as trite/predictable as it may seem to modern audiences (clearly not so trite/predictable that we have learned not to repeat Maple Street's mistakes).  ETA: This episode reminded me somewhat of Shirley Jackson's We Have Always Lived In the Castle, particularly when the one guy's like, "Are we going to pick apart the idiosyncrasies of every man, woman, and child..."  But I will make a post specifically about We Have Always Lived In the Castle.

This year, like last year, I celebrated New Year's with the local Greek population.  But this year I not only broke a plate, but I participated in the women's folk dance!  Second time around I started getting the steps right.  Considering that last year I chickened out for fear of embarrassing myself, I for one am fairly proud.  Onward, to Namek2011!  Selamat Tahun Baru!

Comments

[intertribal.livejournal.com]

Yes, Lindsey the Forthright.

I thought you were also rejecting it because you didn't think you'd actually be happy in academia (or maybe that's the same thing as being too idealistic) and wouldn't accomplish what you want in academia.

[royinpink.livejournal.com]

I am also irritated with myself when I feel I can't get past the surface of things, fwiw. It's also probably a sign I'm in a bad place mentally/emotionally.

I don't know about happiness. I have a suspicion I'd end up unemployed, but maybe that's just my pessimism. The best schools still turn out employable graduates, right? I just don't want to be a specialist/professional; I think it's contrary to philosophy, and the humanities in general. I don't want to be involved in a business. I don't want academic politics, or selling knowledge to students. And I'm skeptical that I could sustain myself in that environment, that I could write things and do work that would get good grades or keep me employed precisely because I have the attitudes I do about intellectual pursuits, because I don't like putting my thoughts in bite-sized, marketable chunks; because I literally can't explain my 'research process'; because I think philosophy should be much more holistic than not only the thought but the entire academic system is set up to be; because I think time for reflection and cultivation is totally eliminated from such a system but essential to intellectual development.

That said, I may yet end up there for a time, if they'll have me.

[royinpink.livejournal.com]

Anyway, this is what I mean about being to idealistic. I'm not sure what you mean about not accomplishing what I want or not being happy.

[intertribal.livejournal.com]

What I mean by not accomplishing what you want is the whole "I'm skeptical that I could sustain myself in that environment" and being forced to do work in a way that is contrary to what seems right to you. What I mean by not being happy is, I guess, that if you're doing work in a way you don't like and that you don't think is productive (and if you're caught up in academic politics and selling knowledge to students), I'm not sure how happy you'd be.

[royinpink.livejournal.com]

So I guess that's the same thing I mean by being too idealistic about what academia should do or allow me to do. You just sound...much more certain, more absolute about it.

[intertribal.livejournal.com]

Huh - maybe because I'm trying to summarize what I perceive to be your take on grad school. I'm not certain or absolute about any of it myself (I really don't feel like I know enough to present an opinion on specifics). In your communication with me, I got the impression that grad school was no longer an option for those reasons.

[royinpink.livejournal.com]

It's just an idea. I don't know how right or wrong it is.

[royinpink.livejournal.com]

That's what I'm looking for in talking to others about it--a gauge of how right or wrong, exactly, it is.

[intertribal.livejournal.com]

Well, you know I'm planning on going to grad school, but it'll be pretty different from the kind of grad school you'd be interested in. The training-to-be-a-professional is right there front and center, for example. That's kind of all I know about grad school. I have heard that the prospects for Ph.D.-holders in the humanities/social sciences is not good, but yeah, I'm sure some of the graduates of the good schools make it ("it" being a professorship, I'm assuming). IDK, I'm kind of opposed to the idea of a career anyway, and think people in our generation should be flexible and expect to change jobs a lot. I feel like there are a lot of jobs, even long-term jobs, that you can't plan for but just kind of have to fall into (I base this off my mom's career trajectory - is it fulfilling work? It's good enough for her at this time).

My two questions re: your compatibility for grad school would be - how set in your ways are you (could you change the way you work, or compromise, so that you could be a student that can be assessed in a grad school environment, or would that be pointless and wrong-headed)? And are there any programs that are a little more flexible in what they expect of students so you could work the way you want to?

Of course, it's not like anything is free of compromises. I mean, you're making compromises of a sort as an ESL teacher now.

I'd be more inclined to look at grad school as a step along the way, not an entire life you have to adopt forever. I know you wondered in one of your emails about how easy it would be to leave academia - but of course this might be a moot point if the job market for academia is as bad as it is. That's not really a positive (or a negative, necessarily), I'm just saying.

[intertribal.livejournal.com]

gah, sorry if this is rambling nonsense. I gotta go to bed (back to work tomorrow).

[royinpink.livejournal.com]

You should be sorry. (j/k) Really, I appreciate it.

[royinpink.livejournal.com]

Thanks for the thoughtful response. I didn't realize you were opposed to the idea of a career, but it makes sense. I think people in our generation will have to change jobs a lot, but you think they should?

Those are good questions, and I wish I could answer them for certain. I'm not sure I could until I'm there. Perhaps someone who both knows me well and knows grad school (esp. for philosophy, or similar [humanities or social science] academic subjects) could. But right now, my thoughts are more like hunches and feelings.

I just remember reading all those people who are like, "Many people enter grad school thinking they'll just stay a couple years, but once you're in, leaving is as hard as gnawing your own leg off!!" and I'm like, "Uhhm?? Scary."

[intertribal.livejournal.com]

My mom is super hung up on the idea of me having a career (she didn't have one, so it's her instinct to protect me from her "mistake", but IMO she turned out okay, and for the most part her flexibility allowed her to have the life she wanted, i.e., doing dance and research and then "settling down" but in Indonesia, taking jobs related to international education, etc.). I think what I meant by "should" is that that's our only option, so we should just be ready for it. I guess because I grew up with my parents changing jobs a lot, I don't think not having a career is a big deal. I think a career is too idealistic, except maybe if you're in some very structured science/math field.

Yeah - it's hard if your indicators (undergrad) aren't really consistent enough to really be indicators. I mean, I've heard that you shouldn't go to grad school until you know what specifically you want to get out of it and are enthusiastic about it, because it'll just be a really hard haul, so the whole "won't find out until I get there" thing makes me nervous, but if it's the only way to know...

If I were in your place, I would go to grad school because I need the security and the structured environment of it - partly academic/learning structure, but mostly just knowing I'm in some kind of established system is reassuring to me. I guess that makes me more of a sheep :P

That's... interesting. I mean, professional grad schools don't have that problem at all (they will kick you out after 2) but my parents did sort of get stuck, a little bit. My mom got herself stuck though, because she was trying to extend her research on and on. I think my dad just started late but progressed as usual. But yeah, in all honesty I don't know about the getting-wedged-in-grad-school thing. I imagine it could be difficult to leave a really long program early, though, for various reasons.

[intertribal.livejournal.com]

2 years, that is.

[royinpink.livejournal.com]

But why do you think that?