intertribal | The first thing that struck him was the noise. The people. The contrasts. The clichés.

So this is probably awful, but I've been reading John Crace's Digested Read pieces (wherein he satirizes hot books of the times), and I find them really funny.

Philip Roth's The Humbling:

He started to buy her expensive lingerie, and though it grieved him that her parents were concerned about the age gap between Pegeen and him, he was greatly cheered up when her former lover Louise turned up at his house distraught with grief. "Why has she left me?" Louise cried.

"Because it's my book and in my books younger women always want to have sex with me."

Dan Brown's The Lost Symbol:

Mwahahahaha. Mal'akh visited Katherine in her top secret laboratory though there was no good reason to. Her cell phone rang. It was Langdon saying her life was in danger. She struggled free from Mal'akh and headed to her car. An explosion. Huge. Her top secret laboratory and all her research destroyed. At least it gave her time to think about Peter's son, Zachary, who had died in a Turkish jail 10 years previously.

Lionel Shriver's So Much For That:

"There are two sorts of mesothelioma," Dr Goodman said. "And Glynis has the worst." "Obviously," Shep answered.

Martin Amis's The Pregnant Widow:

Keith tried to bring it up to date. How he couldn't have sex for years until he married Gloria. Then Lily. Then Conchita. How Gloria turned into an Islamic fundamentalist. How Violet died after shagging every man in Australia. How Keith became Rilke and Larkin entwined. How Mart was conscience, Super Ego, the Ich, the Itch. How the 70s left everyone compromised. As if every decade weren't the same and disappointment but a part of ageing. But it was just the empty Echo of repetition, of a book rewritten; from his father still only silence.

Joyce Carol Oates' A Fair Maiden:

"I'm Katya, a nanny." Maybe it would be better if she put some of her thoughts in italics. How she had had a tough upbringing in New Jersey. How her father had left and her mother abused her. As if this might explain why she felt a curious attachment to the old man. "I want a cigarette."

"That's not a good idea, my dear. But you must come and see me in my mansion." Dirty old man! Handsome old man! "Oh no I won't!" Oh yes I will.

Jodi Picoult's Handle With Care:

Mum and Dad are back together and have lost all their friends. Whoops, I've fallen through the ice and have died. I should have done this 500 pages ago.

John Grisham's The Associate:

"I'm quietly disappointed that you've taken the New York job," said Kyle's father, who ran a friendly small-town legal practice in Baltimore, "but I'm not going to mention it as we have a close relationship and I respect your choices." It killed him not to tell the truth but Kyle knew he owed it to the plot to say silent.

James Patterson's Cross:

The Butcher wiped out the mafia. Mistake. Theirs. He raped every woman in Baltimore.