intertribal | the girl who loved joe ganz

Current Music: "break their hearts and break some heads."

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the girl who loved joe ganz

excerpted from the Stephen King novel, The Girl Who Loved Tom Gordon:

Pete liked Mo Vaughn, and their Mom was partial to Nomar Garciaparra, but Tom Gordon was Trisha's and her Dad's favorite Red Sox player. Tom Gordon was the Red Sox closer; he came on in the eighth or ninth inning when the game was close but the Sox were still on top. Her Dad admired Gordon because he never seemed to lose his nerve -- "Flash has got icewater in his veins," Larry McFarland liked to say -- and Trisha always said the same thing, sometimes adding that she liked Gordon because he had the guts to throw a curve on three-and-oh (this was something her father had read to her in a Boston Globe column). Only to Moanie Balogna and (once) to her girlfriend, Pepsi Robichaud, had she said more. She told Pepsi she thought Tom Gordon was "pretty good-looking." To Mona she threw caution entirely to the winds, saying that Number 36 was the handsomest man alive, and if he ever touched her hand she'd faint. If he ever kissed her, even on the cheek, she thought she'd probably die.

So I introduced my mom to Battlestar Galactica tonight - we watched the three-hour miniseries, all the way through. It was wonderful. My mom's not a sci-fi type exactly (neither am I for that matter) but she admits she got into it. BSG is just impossible not to get into, not to sink your teeth into. At the end when they reveal "Sharon" to be a Cylon model she was like, "ohhh" in a sad voice. Ha ha ha, me and my mom. I wish I had a huge television to watch it on, though. The battles in the miniseries are amazing, especially lined with drums. BSG is like a war dance; I think that's why I love it.

Just a couple football bites today:
1. Go Eagles! -- 1) Go Buckhalter, Husker pride! 2) Go Bradley, Husker pride! 3) Donovan McNabb, you are... insane. But that's okay, because at least you don't advertise cologne in a cowboy hat. Plus you say things like this about how you were told your team would qualify for the playoffs: "I was told by the janitor. We have a pretty good relationship." 4) Sorry you had a sucky day, Eli. I guess you and Peyton can watch the Super Bowl together at home? I say that with well wishes, guys - this just wasn't your year.

2. Suh is staying at Nebraska for his senior year instead of going in for the NFL draft. He was the only player that got any national recognition this year (the Seattle Times had his listed as one of the top 5 performances of the bowl season!). Lucky for us, but a smart decision by the boy named Suh too. The first reason he mentioned for coming back, though? "You can’t put a price on graduating from college." Good man.

3. Can you believe Tebow thanked his "players" after winning the national championship? Not... not teammates. He thanked his players. And not "playas" in the gangster sense either (hey! he's a good Christian boy!). Just players. His players. Wow. I am so glad he's coming back for his senior season. *googly eyes*

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Gotcha. Hmm...

Well, they sound like airheads to me, and I don't respect airheads as equals. For me they need to have a passion and dedication to something, or I don't take them seriously, much less consider them a stable provider (lol). And you don't respect them as equals because of this airheadedness, right?

No biggie, that was a really long post that was very heavy on the football (more so than anything about me other than things I really think should be obvious about leadership). I don't think I've put a lot of thought into what I'm attracted to, and certainly this new development has changed things somewhat because it's a much more intense and visceral feeling than I've had before. I mean, he's not like AC. But the thing is, with AC, I never felt physical desire, and when it was in my dreams it was always really skeezy and made me feel nauseated. This is going to be way too much tmi but I don't think I've felt actual physical desire maybe ever, at least the sort that isn't just a "oh, he is cute", middle school-ish sort of thing. That's all sorts of weird, I know, but what can I say? I'm starting to think that I've spent the last ten years "coming to terms with" my father's death and like I have to sort of start forging my own way in various aspects of my life now, but that's kind of a tangent.

Anyway. Mr. Quarterback does fit a certain "type" I sort of have, and that's the Paladin (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Paladin). Because it's his history at Nebraska that got him my attention in the first place. Before I heard ye olde tragic paste he was just another name on a roster of players, all of whom I wanted to do well uniformly, and it was after I heard the whole thing that I paid him attention enough to figure out what he looked like under the helmet and read his post-game quotes, and by then it was the end of the season, so frak me, you know? The Paladin thing is why I feel for Friday Night Lights so much and The Song of Roland and all that shit. Doesn't quite explain Aragorn (Faramir is more a Paladin, but Faramir always seemed more driven by a desire to appease Daddy than protect Gondor, so he fails, and Boromir? Please). Yet he's also sarcastic and smart and that sort of fulfills the same traits I like in AC.

Lol, airheads. I hadn't quite thought of it that way, but I guess I didn't want to demean them so totally, either. And I'm not really looking for a stable provider, like at all. But yeah, that's why I don't really respect them (inadequate word, but, well...).

I might still go back and read it, I dunno.

I mean, he's not like AC. But the thing is, with AC, I never felt physical desire

and yet, you tried to tell me you did...

This is going to be way too much tmi but I don't think I've felt actual physical desire maybe ever, at least the sort that isn't just a "oh, he is cute", middle school-ish sort of thing.

That's exactly how I felt when I fell for Josie. And...I'm not sure if I really want to feel that again. I even think it has less to do with sex (i mean female-ness) than it seems to. She's another 'type', for me, one I'm usu. too intimidated by to take seriously (and for me, this is the type that is coolness, tinged with masculinity), and that has like whoa way too much power over me. I mean, it's obviously a bit different for you, and I've gone through many different interpretations of my feelings (e.g. thinking i was a lesbian), but that is the sort of desire I first felt for her. Tara has alternately said that she's never felt it, or "so what you're saying is, guys just don't make you hot." I honestly think a lot of girls, maybe a lot of people (but i'm pretty sure it's gender-skewed), don't feel this, and it's sort of lame that we just have cover terms like "desire" and loose categorizations like "physical" to cover the whole spectrum.

i don't get the paladin thing. what tragic past? but that is odd. i don't think i have any particular 'thing' about anyone's past, though it sometimes happens that people who fit a certain 'type' share certain histories (no big surprise).

Airheads isn't that much more demeaning than what you were saying, I think.

I know I tried to tell you that, but I think I was lying to myself (and hence, to you).

I honestly think a lot of girls, maybe a lot of people (but i'm pretty sure it's gender-skewed), don't feel this, and it's sort of lame that we just have cover terms like "desire" and loose categorizations like "physical" to cover the whole spectrum.

Are you serious? Wait, what exactly are you talking about there?

You don't want to feel that again because you think it takes away your power, yes? Well, I don't know, I really like the feeling. I don't associate it with power loss.

It's not actually tragic, it's only tragic in football terms, and you wouldn't find it tragic at all. It's not really about the past in and of itself, it's about what it says about him that he stayed at Nebraska and made sure he knew the offense as much as he did. He was supposed to have been a starter in his junior year but Coach Callahan deliberately got a transfer out of Arizona State, who had family connections with Callahan, to come to Nebraska and be starting quarterback instead. It was the kind of prolonged frustration that most football players wouldn't be able to get through; and to expect that player to then essentially carry the team to victory in the only season he gets to be a starter is just ridiculous. It illustrates just how much fans treat players as work-robots instead of people. But anyway it's not the past itself, it's what the past says about him now.

ah, well, i suck like that ;)

Yeah, I do the same thing...it's so hard to separate these things out.

I'm talking about people who get in relationships with 'desire' but not that sort of consuming physical passion, or whatever. I think the feeling of desire depends on what it is that's attractive about the person, yes, but "physical" is a bad gloss because something supposedly physical can be about charisma, or power, or objectification, etc. And I do think this relates to why men tend to 'know they're gay' sooner, or why women tend to be more ambivalent about sexuality. I mean, you rarely hear a guy doing what Manako does, for instance, and date and love a guy while maintaining that women are inherently more attractive and dicks are gross. Admittedly Manako has issues and she's an extreme example, but I've had plenty of relationships with guys (or girls, but I have fewer relationships with them) where there's some level of attraction but it's nothing like that. That's my super-short explanation. And maybe it's true that guys don't feel the particular sort of desire I'm talking about any more than women do, they have the 'use people as objects of desire' thing going on for them more, I don't know, but there is something going on there.

You...have strange attractions, man. Lol, I'm sorry, that's not meant as an insult at all, but whoah. To me, that sounds like the heroic type.

Er... okay. That probably is true, that a lot of people get in relationships with 'desire' but not consuming physical passion. I guess? I don't know. Hmm, you've managed to convince me that I'm even weirder now...

It is the heroic type - most quarterbacks, unless they're Sam Bradford, fit this type by default cuz of how the game is set up - but he's a good version of that type as opposed to a bad version (like Mark Sanchez). But that is why I've been thinking about "leadership" and "moral clarity" lately. I've always been attracted to the hero type... and in high school I seriously started to think about the negative implications of this type but now it's more like, well, maybe there are actual heroes, people who fit the type who are also actually good people. Thank Air Crash Investigation for this revelation... anyway, all this is basically the point of The Quarterback Mystique.

I have? Hm, such was not my intention...

Of course there are people who fit the type who are also good people (I think?). But...it always kinda disturbs me that attractions aren't so much based on that, it's more like an added bonus for sustainability of the relationship. Lol, like environmental sustainability...uh.

It's ok, we all know I'm psycho.

Of course there are! Man! Anyway I definitely feel like for me it's the "good person" part that makes them attractive... because I have a very strong dislike for hero types who are assholes.

yeah, it makes them more attractive, but for me at least, it does not seem to matter much wrt the sort of desire we were talking about. but then, i fall for assholes sometimes. especially as a result of the sort of desire we were talking about. lol.

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