he's a modest, modest guy.

Clinton, just build some houses already.

 Asked his perspective on how the country fell into such economic hard times, Clinton responded in an NBC ''Today'' show interview by asking rhetorically: ''Did any of them seriously believe that if I had been president and my economic team had been in place the last eight years, that this would be taking place.''

In another interview, Clinton was asked which president he would most identify with.

''Personally, I'm not sure,'' he told CNN. ''One guy wrote a book saying that I was most like Thomas Jefferson, but the times in which I governed were most like Theodore Roosevelt's. And we had -- and the results I received were similar. We had -- he had enormous success. The country was better off when he quit than when he started.''

Why does everybody want to be like TR?  He was psycho.  A psycho Lone Ranger wannabe.  We discussed that in Foreign Policy class, how in recent years TR's gotten a really good rep (no longer considered Hemingway: The President) and all the modern presidents say he's pretty fly, for a turn of the century guy.  Then again I've never understood why this dude's on Mount Rushmore either.  Washington, Jefferson, Lincoln... Theodore Roosevelt?  Please.  Ooh, I conquered the Philippines.  Ooh, I shot 512 big-game animals.  I'm such a man's man.

baby doll, I recognize you're a hideous thing inside

I love cryptozoology, and I love movies, and thus I love monster movies (hello, Jurassic Park - not quite cryptids, same basic idea).  I have seen so many of them on Sci-Fi on Saturdays that I have developed a rubric for grading them.  I try not to be a snob about these movies because they're basically all B-movies - big budget did nothing to help Godzilla - but I reward creativity and humor.  It's what makes these movies joyful.  These are the ones I saw this past Saturday.

MANTICORE

TRY THE FUCK HARDER.

Summary: American soldiers fight some huge rock dragon that's controlled by a legendary ruby in the "Middle East". 
Fear Factor: 1.  oh, say, can you C.G. 
Human Interest: 2.  unsympathetic soldiers, nasty journalists, one pathetic Arab kid, evil people I assume to be "warlords" (see: Iron Man).  only thing it had going for it was a strange Adama/Starbuck vibe going on between the military commander and the main female soldier.
Lights, Camera, Action: 3.  one nice helicopter crash.  a minorly impressive ending kill sequence that looked like it was out of Prince of Persia. 
Location, Location: 0.  I would give points for creativity, but this was just totally unconvincing as the Middle East, or even as "the outdoors".  and if you want to set a monster movie in the context of the war on terror, do a better job than this is all I can say.
To Wit: 0.  not humorous, not tongue-in-cheek, not social-critiquey.  just nothing.
Total Score: 6

SPLINTER

sexytime.

Summary: nice couple is taken hostage in gas station by bad couple.  some organism that takes over dead bodies and makes them grow scary black spikes terrorizes them.
Fear Factor: 8.  although it's more disgust than fear, the "monsters", whatever the hell they were, were certainly visually arresting.  a very interesting take on the zombie idea.  massively contorted human bodies, animate disembodied limbs.  blood.  good special effects.  saw-inspired.
Human Interest: 4.  I can't say I liked either the goodie-goodie-two-shoes couple or the crack addict couple, and there was too much hysteria and stupidity for my taste, but they at least seemed pretty real.  the combo of nerd guy and action girl (the main couple) was slightly creative, but not quite convincing.
Lights, Camera, Action: 4.  the characters had a lot of ideas for getting out of their little jam, but none of them were too interesting.
Location, Location: 4.  credit for being trapped in gas station, but the ol' middle of the woods gag is very, very old.
To Wit: 2.  the funniest character dies first.  never a good decision.  after that everybody was just stressed out.  being trapped in a gas station, there was plenty of humorous fodder.
Total Score: 22

DOG SOLDIERS

you simply cannot go wrong.

Summary: rookie soldiers on a training mission in the Welsh woods are hunted by pack of smart, bipedal werewolves.  guts are spilled, somewhat unconvincingly.
Fear Factor: 5.  old movie, which is why the werewolf looks like a man in a suit.  good camera work and atmosphere tries to make up for the totally unconvincing monster, which is at least rarely seen.
Human Interest: 7.  sympathetic, realistic soldiers (but they were Welsh and not American) who just wanted to get home to watch the footy game.  the random pretty girl whose house they hide out in got annoying in her super-cool-ness, but she ended up a werewolf, so whatever.  I was actually sad when some soldiers died.
Lights, Camera, Action: 8.  excellent plotwork that kept the tension up from beginning to end.  mostly guerrilla warfare with capture-the-flag elements.
Location, Location: 5.  clearly actually shot in cold north woods, and at least made use of the environment.
To Wit: 5.  wouldn't call it that clever overall, but the closing image was: a newspaper with a little article "werewolves ate my platoon!" overshadowed by the gigantic football headline: "ENGLAND 5, GERMANY 1". 
Total Score: 30

THE BEAST OF BRAY ROAD
  
Hiya, sheriff.

Bye, Kelly.

Summary: new sheriff in small, hick wisconsin town hunts a werewolf that likes to split people's bodies in half. 
Fear Factor: 0.  worst costumed monster ever.  just awful.  but hilarious.
Human Interest: 9.  I only kept watching because the long-suffering new sheriff in town looked familiar, and I have serious problems.  likable, funny yokels.  I didn't like the sheriff's love interest (see: my problems), but she turned out to be the werewolf.  natch!
Lights, Camera, Action: 3.  action fell off when they started trying to catch the beast.  never a good sign.  but when the chick who's actually the beast convinces the deputy that the sheriff is the beast because "no one knows him, he's not from around here!" and the deputy shoots the sheriff, that was twisty.  the fact that "Kelly" was the beast at all was a gutsy plot twist I didn't see coming.  "Where's Kelly?"  "There's Kelly."  Ahahaha.
Location, Location: 5.  I'm a sucker for funny small towns.  "I love Wisconsin!"
To Wit: 10.  I actually laughed out loud three times, and I rarely laugh at scifi movies.  1, when the random trashy blonde just walks into the sheriff's backyard to hit on him and tries to light a broken cigarette, 2, the pathetic, Paris Hilton-like sound this one chick made when she realized the beast was going to get her, 3, at the end, when the credits open with "DEDICATED TO THE GREAT STATE OF WISCONSIN."
Total Score: 29