A lot of teen movies suck a lot of ass. There's the normal suck - the ones we all know suck - American Pie, Dude Where's My Car. There's the chick flick suck - 10 Things I Hate About You, Never Been Kissed. There's hipster suck, too - Donnie Darko, The Breakfast Club. They're all bad. But I would like to present seven teen movies (and by that I mean, they're mostly about teens in high school) that do not suck, and in fact have a redeeming factor or two, of various genres for the discriminating taste. They're all fairly odd movies with fairly non-standard characters and sharp dialogue - and I think they realistically depict various aspects of "teen life in America" - whatever the fuck that is.
Teen Movies That Don't Suck:
Ferris Bueller's Day Off
Ferris Bueller, his best friend, and his girlfriend decide to skip school to spend the day in Chicago being nerds. They get away with it through a series of ingenious, elaborate pranks - leading to the belief in their suburb that Ferris is deathly ill, triggering a "Save Ferris" bucket to get passed around the halls of his high school, while the enraged principal tries to catch him in the act of lying. Happy, funny, delightful.
Best Character: Jennifer Grey, playing Ferris' older sister Jeannie, a bitch in every sense of word with the bad luck of being the black sheep in the family.
Memorable Quote:
The Mom - I just picked up Jeannie at the police station! She got a speeding ticket, another speeding ticket, and I lost the Vermont deal because of her!
The Dad - I think we should shoot her.

Stand and Deliver
Brash and unconventional Jaime Escalante wants his mostly-Hispanic East L.A. high schoolers to believe they can get good AP scores in math. The school doesn't think so. The kids are unmotivated. Their families unsupportive. Oh, and the College Board decides, when they don't fail the test, that they're cheating... you know, they are poor and "those people".
Best Character: Edward James Olmos as Mr. Escalante himself, the no-holds-barred Calculus teacher who doesn't fuck around, and doesn't let anybody else fuck with him either, because he's got cajones.
Memorable Quote: Escalante - We're gonna need a lot of Kleenexes... there's gonna be a lot of bloodshed.
Elephant
Sort of a reaction-to-Columbine movie, it starts out quiet and subtle, focusing on different teens in a typical suburban high school, then narrowing in on the two kids that have ordered machine guns. Turns out this is the day before the school shooting, and when the shooting begins, it's intense and frightening, partly because this high school has made itself so realistic and so subdued - the sudden bangs in the hallway are like a series of heart attacks. Oh yeah, and all the actors are amateurs. A very, very realistic look at the social hierarchy of a high school.
Best Character: Benny, an honest and noble jock who helps another student escape through a window before he goes up to the killers with guns and is shot on the spot.
Memorable Quote: Alex - Get the fuck out and don't come back! Some heavy shit's goin' down!
Friday Night Lights
The Permian Panthers of tiny oil town Odessa, TX, need to win themselves a football state championship. No, they really need to. Their coach needs to keep himself from being fired, their players need to either prove themselves as worthy to their dads or get a football scholarship so they can go to college and get out of dead-end Odessa. Completely heartbreaking, surprisingly beautiful, and realistic movie about an oft-neglected segment of American youth - the rural poor. Captures why smalltown America loves America like it loves air. As the quote goes, football isn't life or death - it's much more important than that.
Best Character: Mike Winchell, the quarterback who's not exactly Vince Young but has a noble heart of gold, and feels the burden of leading the team acutely, being much harder on himself than he has to be. Feels the his future is hopeless. Played by the incredibly handsome Lucas Black.
Memorable Quote: Mike - This is for the state championship... I love all y'all, baby, I love all y'all.
Carrie
Carrie White, the daughter of a zealously religious and psychotic woman, has a miserable, no, completely horrific time at high school, targeted by the popular girls, who are helped by the popular boys. She's asked to the prom as a joke, though she thinks all her dreams of boys and popularity are finally coming true. Too bad the preps have some pig blood waiting to stain her pretty pink dress. Too bad for them, Carrie's got some crazy telekinetic powers that are about to come loose and bite them in the ass. The very best movie about the cruelty of the popular clique, and a great revenge flick, all in one!
Best Character: Carrie. Sissy Spacek plays her so creepily, especially when she's blood-covered. And the final scene? It's to die for.
Memorable Quote: Carrie's Mother - They're all gonna laugh at you!
Battle Royale
For some reason only those crazy Japanese can understand, they decide that a random class of ninth-graders should be put on an island, equipped with one tool or weapon (and an electroshock collar) each, and be forced to kill each other until only one remains. Some decide to commit suicide. Some decide to hide. Some decide to try to beat the system. Some... well, some think this is just their lucky year. Brutal but, I believe, a pretty accurate what-if scenario.
Best Character: "Intelligent Guy" (Mimura) - He's the one that saves them all, and the only one with the intelligence to figure out how to stop the adults. Too bad he's killed by the Crazy Dude.
Memorable Quote: The Teacher - Here's a list of your friends in the order they died.
Orange County
Convinced that an airhead who thinks Britney Spears should be graduation speaker got into Stanford because of a clerical error, Overachiever McStudy, otherwise named Shaun, decides to drive from Orange County to Stanford to personally appeal his rejection. Shaun's clearly never had any guidance or help in getting himself in shape to attend the Ivy League, and for him, failure is not an option. It's a good thing his loser brother, played by Jack Black, is here to help. Any overachiever in public high school will appreciate this movie's critique of the college admission process as well as (perhaps even more so) the very biting depiction of suburban public high school.
Best Character: Lance, the no-good brother who sincerely wants to help even though he doesn't understand why his younger brother wants to go to a "status school" so badly - he's pathetic but he's happy. And Jack Black is wonderful in the role.
Memorable Quote: Shaun's teacher - Shaun! I read your story! You used a lot of big words. Great! Good for you! It was a little long, so I didn't read the whole thing, but who cares, cuz I gave you an A!
Oh yeah, and I think I'm going to put this on a shirt -
Little Miss Sunshine: No one gets left behind! Outstanding, soldier! Outstanding!
Teen Movies That Don't Suck:
Ferris Bueller's Day Off

Ferris Bueller, his best friend, and his girlfriend decide to skip school to spend the day in Chicago being nerds. They get away with it through a series of ingenious, elaborate pranks - leading to the belief in their suburb that Ferris is deathly ill, triggering a "Save Ferris" bucket to get passed around the halls of his high school, while the enraged principal tries to catch him in the act of lying. Happy, funny, delightful.
Best Character: Jennifer Grey, playing Ferris' older sister Jeannie, a bitch in every sense of word with the bad luck of being the black sheep in the family.
Memorable Quote:
The Mom - I just picked up Jeannie at the police station! She got a speeding ticket, another speeding ticket, and I lost the Vermont deal because of her!
The Dad - I think we should shoot her.

Stand and Deliver
Brash and unconventional Jaime Escalante wants his mostly-Hispanic East L.A. high schoolers to believe they can get good AP scores in math. The school doesn't think so. The kids are unmotivated. Their families unsupportive. Oh, and the College Board decides, when they don't fail the test, that they're cheating... you know, they are poor and "those people".
Best Character: Edward James Olmos as Mr. Escalante himself, the no-holds-barred Calculus teacher who doesn't fuck around, and doesn't let anybody else fuck with him either, because he's got cajones.
Memorable Quote: Escalante - We're gonna need a lot of Kleenexes... there's gonna be a lot of bloodshed.
Elephant

Sort of a reaction-to-Columbine movie, it starts out quiet and subtle, focusing on different teens in a typical suburban high school, then narrowing in on the two kids that have ordered machine guns. Turns out this is the day before the school shooting, and when the shooting begins, it's intense and frightening, partly because this high school has made itself so realistic and so subdued - the sudden bangs in the hallway are like a series of heart attacks. Oh yeah, and all the actors are amateurs. A very, very realistic look at the social hierarchy of a high school.
Best Character: Benny, an honest and noble jock who helps another student escape through a window before he goes up to the killers with guns and is shot on the spot.
Memorable Quote: Alex - Get the fuck out and don't come back! Some heavy shit's goin' down!

The Permian Panthers of tiny oil town Odessa, TX, need to win themselves a football state championship. No, they really need to. Their coach needs to keep himself from being fired, their players need to either prove themselves as worthy to their dads or get a football scholarship so they can go to college and get out of dead-end Odessa. Completely heartbreaking, surprisingly beautiful, and realistic movie about an oft-neglected segment of American youth - the rural poor. Captures why smalltown America loves America like it loves air. As the quote goes, football isn't life or death - it's much more important than that.
Best Character: Mike Winchell, the quarterback who's not exactly Vince Young but has a noble heart of gold, and feels the burden of leading the team acutely, being much harder on himself than he has to be. Feels the his future is hopeless. Played by the incredibly handsome Lucas Black.
Memorable Quote: Mike - This is for the state championship... I love all y'all, baby, I love all y'all.
Carrie

Carrie White, the daughter of a zealously religious and psychotic woman, has a miserable, no, completely horrific time at high school, targeted by the popular girls, who are helped by the popular boys. She's asked to the prom as a joke, though she thinks all her dreams of boys and popularity are finally coming true. Too bad the preps have some pig blood waiting to stain her pretty pink dress. Too bad for them, Carrie's got some crazy telekinetic powers that are about to come loose and bite them in the ass. The very best movie about the cruelty of the popular clique, and a great revenge flick, all in one!
Best Character: Carrie. Sissy Spacek plays her so creepily, especially when she's blood-covered. And the final scene? It's to die for.
Memorable Quote: Carrie's Mother - They're all gonna laugh at you!

For some reason only those crazy Japanese can understand, they decide that a random class of ninth-graders should be put on an island, equipped with one tool or weapon (and an electroshock collar) each, and be forced to kill each other until only one remains. Some decide to commit suicide. Some decide to hide. Some decide to try to beat the system. Some... well, some think this is just their lucky year. Brutal but, I believe, a pretty accurate what-if scenario.
Best Character: "Intelligent Guy" (Mimura) - He's the one that saves them all, and the only one with the intelligence to figure out how to stop the adults. Too bad he's killed by the Crazy Dude.
Memorable Quote: The Teacher - Here's a list of your friends in the order they died.
Orange County

Convinced that an airhead who thinks Britney Spears should be graduation speaker got into Stanford because of a clerical error, Overachiever McStudy, otherwise named Shaun, decides to drive from Orange County to Stanford to personally appeal his rejection. Shaun's clearly never had any guidance or help in getting himself in shape to attend the Ivy League, and for him, failure is not an option. It's a good thing his loser brother, played by Jack Black, is here to help. Any overachiever in public high school will appreciate this movie's critique of the college admission process as well as (perhaps even more so) the very biting depiction of suburban public high school.
Best Character: Lance, the no-good brother who sincerely wants to help even though he doesn't understand why his younger brother wants to go to a "status school" so badly - he's pathetic but he's happy. And Jack Black is wonderful in the role.
Memorable Quote: Shaun's teacher - Shaun! I read your story! You used a lot of big words. Great! Good for you! It was a little long, so I didn't read the whole thing, but who cares, cuz I gave you an A!
Oh yeah, and I think I'm going to put this on a shirt -
Little Miss Sunshine: No one gets left behind! Outstanding, soldier! Outstanding!