intertribal | so it is before the walls of minas tirith, the doom of our time will be decided.

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so it is before the walls of minas tirith, the doom of our time will be decided.

The letter says I'm to be posted in Jakarta. All subject to security clearance approval, of course. It's a good thing we cleaned out at least some of those old boxes in the garage this winter: my mother has to dig through all her old address books. She sounded strange on the phone telling me this but I think I can guess why. I've never spent a whole summer away from her (only half of one at most); this is a country whose chapter she has personally closed on a bitter-sour note, the country where people die too often, where she buried my father. I don't think she thinks this is really happening. I know that she will never go back. But I also know, and have known since Melbourne, that I will.

I'm going to start reading Kompas (floods, as always, crippling the city).

Thinking about going back makes me all sorts of queasy and this is an embassy they have to close from time to time because of threats and forty hours a week might kill me but God, oh my God. I am so ready for this.

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Hahaha except I went to bed before I got this message, lolz. But thanks! And I'm glad you like Siren. I told you it be good.

Siren?

And I guess congrats from me as well. I'm glad you feel ready for it...don't die, keep in touch, all of that. When does this internship happen, anyway?

Siren's a Tori Amos song I took from you... ha ha.

And thanks. Do you mind, btw, that I list you as a person that knows me well on the security clearance form? Just because, you know, you do know me well. I don't know if they'd actually contact you or not, but I doubt you have to say very much to them besides that I don't break laws and such.

Sometime between May and September, I guess. I don't know the exact dates.

that's pretty funny. i thought siren was a tori amos song, but then i was like "wait, did I get it from nadia? no, i must not know it, then."

yeah, i don't mind. just as long as you don't cite me as a source in research papers without my consent, man (manako did this, wtf, i am not a credible source).

man, if we both end up abroad over the summer, that would be...awesome. i should keep looking for more programs, on that note...

tangent: Alexei says that everyone (American, I assume) he knows that went to Asia for a significant period of time "came back really warped...except me, of course."

That's so cool to be cited as a source in a research paper! And really weird! What were you a source of?

Yeah man, you should definitely try to go abroad. Into the future. I'm not sure if Alexei's thing would apply to me because I'm not starting off American, but I'm pretty sure my mother did come back pretty warped when she went. Then again I'd think this would also apply to travel to Africa/L. America too.

I was a source of explanation of why the Interpretant is an essential part of the sign-function. Apparently she couldn't find an explanation in any of her sources and in a night-before-the-paper-was-due panic, resorted to citing me instead. i'm not sure how well the prof liked that, but at least i know she got something out of my explanation, i guess. i really hope she didn't quote it, because it was unnecessarily poetic or anthropomorphic or something, because I was writing my Wordsworth paper at the time she asked me.

lol. yeah, i imagine spending time in a culture significantly different from your own is really the impt. thing for coming back 'warped.' i tried to explain to Jason why, that even spending a week homestaying in Spain, which is obviously not a long time and European, I got a touch of culture shock, and he said it sounded like my own personal nightmare, ha ha...

the bottom line is that i don't want to be stuck in portland working some tedious job and paying rent, etc.

Yeah, I never knew very much about your homestay in Spain. Well, I never asked, because I was resentful that I couldn't afford to go (ha ha). Do you think you came back permanently warped in any way or did you just sort of fall back into where you were before upon return?

Definitely, tedious job + rent = bad. I think you should try to experience as much as you can while you don't have long-term obligations.

strangely, that was the one trip i had to pay for myself, i think...from savings bonds and stuff that had been building up in my account since I was born. but anyway, i don't think i came back permanently warped, but i also think i learned a lot and in that sense i was 'changed.' it was really weird to get woken up every morning by my homestay sister yelling in Spanish that we were late. had to deal with a lot of my insecurities, i s'pose, too, sort of change myself to fit in with these popular spanish girls... it was like everything i was used to--my social position, what things meant, communication, style, daily activities--were gone. but in the end, none of us were ready to leave. Everyone had stories about the language barrier ("I have erotic dreams with him!" "Your toilet is the pink one," etc.)... I think it would have been a lot different if I'd stayed longer. We'd probably stop being the extra special guests, I'd meet more/different people, I'd get used to everyday life there, etc. There was a lot of stuff going on over my head. I remember my 'mother' telling me about how she was in the process of divorcing her husband, people randomly crying when I didn't know why. Had to get used to lots of hand-holding and kissing on the cheek, which was fine...wanted immdiately to get rid of all my American clothes that seemed too baggy and dumb-looking. Spain is a weird European country because it's not as wealthy and it's a confederation of states with their own official languages and stuff...it's a little more 'backward.' anyway, i remember it all pretty vividly, despite never getting over jet lag. definitely made an impression, changed how i viewed my culture or others, maybe, but i think i'd have to somehow try to integrate myself into another culture before it could really warp me. that was logn and rambling, sorry.

me too.

"changed how i viewed my culture or others"

I'd buy that. I think that probably did happen for you.

Americans have a nasty habit of not realizing that they have cultural norms (even if they aren't national ones). I think getting outside them helps to recognize them in a more than imaginary way...

Yeah, I think America likes to think of itself as status quo.

If only that recognition occurred for (all) students on study abroad...

is that directed at someone or some people in particular?

Meh. Some of the people I was on study abroad with who never left the American circle of people, and so I doubt learned anything about cultural differences.

ah, yeah, a homestay kinda forces you not to do that, and quickly

*long

of course, you already told me congratulations about the internship... this is just me being happy that I got the post I wanted.

yeah, i got the idea you wanted this post, and I kind of meant congrats on that...that was my vague intention, anyway

oh, duh, "summer." I'm so smart.

btw, I think this is the bitchiest period I've ever had. I actually interrupted Jason when he was talking to me with "I don't care." If any unintentional bitchiness has shown through in my comments lately, I apologize. I really don't mean it.

yeah, I can detect it. it's ok though. any ideas why?

aside from sleep-deprivation intensifying my feeling exhausted and worthless, and aside from irritation stemming from this and other things getting in the way of my plans to not be worthless and accomplish lots of work, no, I have no idea. maybe that's sufficient explanation, but maybe i'm more hormonal lately. it seems heavier than usual. I actually got a headache and cramps, when I don't normally have that much physical pain. and before the PMS stage (which involved crying), i was abnormally influenced by "ovulation" or whatnot, really attracted to every man nearby, you know...

Urrgh, better get sleep and food then. To be honest i was in a pretty crappy mood for the first two weeks of school (exhaustion, worthlessness being par for the course)... getting this news gave me a little boost, shall we say. I hope the same sort of thing happens for you. I wouldn't take your feelings during your slump very seriously.

I don't know why you'd be more hormonal, but, I'm not a doctor.

Yeah, i am really craving grilled cheese. This might be difficult...i dunno if we have cheese. cool, thanks, i'm trying to be better about that...

i am more hormonal 'cause my body's a bitch i must beat into submission!

uh... I think it would win...

lol.

mind over matter and soul before flesh!

dance for God, do not dance for the flesh!

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so it is before the walls of minas tirith, the doom of our time will be decided.

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