a sense of joy and then a panic

But the tangent is relevant: I can't shake the feeling that treating people gently and politely because they're not 'strong and independent' is horribly condescending. And maybe there's nothing wrong with being arrogant in that respect and treating weaker people as people who constantly need your help and consideration, okay. But it seems better to me to treat people as equals and expect equal independence and self-reliance from them. It seems less asshole-ish to me to expect that from everybody. I guess I'm a little more lenient about pride, partly b/c I think everybody has their insecurities and different ways of covering them up or coping, partly because I think that battles for alpha male status fought through sheer symbolic power are pretty worthless and obscure important things like the facts, although pride (not vanity) is in general a good thing I think people should have.