Yeah, well, people judge me too. They give me grades and tell my my ideas don't make sense and I don't know how to communicate. My family doesn't know enough about what I care about to judge it. My dad is just proud to have finally achieved college graduation, because it's his vicariously, and my mother is like, "That doesn't make a lot of money, does it? Why do you want to do that?" But even if they condemned me, their opinion doesn't matter to me. It's the judgment of people like you and Steve that I care about in this regard, because I actually have respect for you. I trust you enough to give you that authority over me. And then, Alex and Jason think the idea of going to grad school for actual academic interests is either compromised bullshit or insane. Jason was particularly adamant that I was committing my life to doing nothing and being worse than the rest of humanity who at least contributes to society, but I think he's given up on beating up on me. But oh well. I realized about the time I got over my transcript that I have no regrets. I may not have gotten recognition for anything I saw as valuable, but it was worth it, and that's all that matters. But I hate whining about my 'problems'. None of that matters, and I don't deserve any pity. I chose to do that, it's part of who I am, and I'm proud of who I am.
Does your mother think that of you? And why do you care what the rest of your family thinks?
Having relationships has nothing to do with fitting in. I don't function socially, and Santiago and Josie aren't exactly people I could date to fit in with anybody I might want to fit in with. But it doesn't matter anyway. It's not like being in relationships scores you points or something. It just makes you jaded and miserable.
It is a choice. Maybe if you chose something else, you wouldn't be 'you' anymore, but it's the life you choose to lead. I want what I want because any other life seems meaningless to me, would give me no reason to get up in the morning, etc., and so how can I complain? I obviously don't want that other life, so if I don't get recognition and approval for the one I choose, well, that's part of the choice I made. I feel it's more of a choice between that or suicide, personally, but I don't usually say things like that because it sounds so much like I want attention and pity, when I don't. That's what I want in my life, and I'm willing to stand up for it, even if I feel ashamed when other people don't understand, even when I feel like I'm a failure at the only thing that matters.
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Does your mother think that of you? And why do you care what the rest of your family thinks?
Having relationships has nothing to do with fitting in. I don't function socially, and Santiago and Josie aren't exactly people I could date to fit in with anybody I might want to fit in with. But it doesn't matter anyway. It's not like being in relationships scores you points or something. It just makes you jaded and miserable.
It is a choice. Maybe if you chose something else, you wouldn't be 'you' anymore, but it's the life you choose to lead. I want what I want because any other life seems meaningless to me, would give me no reason to get up in the morning, etc., and so how can I complain? I obviously don't want that other life, so if I don't get recognition and approval for the one I choose, well, that's part of the choice I made. I feel it's more of a choice between that or suicide, personally, but I don't usually say things like that because it sounds so much like I want attention and pity, when I don't. That's what I want in my life, and I'm willing to stand up for it, even if I feel ashamed when other people don't understand, even when I feel like I'm a failure at the only thing that matters.