a sense of joy and then a panic

sorry, I didn't quite get your comment, I guess, but I get it now. ha ha, yeah. I haven't actually read that much Kafka and should read more, but I just feel like I understand where he's coming from with a lot of things. Like this quote: "I think we ought to read only the kind of books that wound and stab us. If the book we are reading doesn't wake us up with a blow on the head, what are we reading it for? ...we need the books that affect us like a disaster, that grieve us deeply, like the death of someone we loved more than ourselves, like being banished into forests far from everyone, like a suicide. A book must be the axe for the frozen sea inside us."

meh, it is hardcore, you're right.