That's interesting. I think losing stability--not fucking up, but feeling the weight of my parents, internalized expectations, and all of that gone, which I only feel in glimpses--is probably one of the best feelings I've had. Intimidating, but so free and unworried. I first had this feeling while I was in China. I don't know if that's what you mean, but it's what I associate with a loss of stability.

Anyway, I wish you luck and all that.