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return of the girly sports
Jan. 19th, 2010 02:40 amWelp, college football season's over (is it fall yet?) - and because I'm a Philadelphia Eagles fan (no need to remind me), pro football season is also over.
Just in time, figure skating and tennis have both made dramatic reappearances on television. Which means I can go back to cheering wildly for Roger Federer and jeering all the Americans in both sports (Michelle Kwan and Andre Agassi have retired, so I'm off the paddy wagon).
My prognosis so far: the U.S. figure skating team may actually NOT suck this year. The pair that won the U.S. nationals this weekend were actually presentable, mostly because they skated like Russians and didn't go all Dainty Flower Dance. And apparently the guy that won the U.S. nationals wasn't bad either. Kind of sad that Johnny Weir landed at 3rd though, because he's about entertaining enough that he should got automatic entry, just like Jelena Dokic gets automatic entry at tennis Grand Slams because everyone loves to watch her have psychotic breaks. My mother thinks that Evan Lysacek, whom she now calls "the fascist" (because he dresses in crisp all black and slicks back his hair?!), was put in 2nd place despite falling and being bad because the U.S. Olympic committee didn't want to send Johnny Weir to Toronto. On the women's side, Sasha "Trainwreck" Cohen is apparently trying to compete again, but somebody from China, Japan, or South Korea will win it all. My early bet is Kim Yu-Na, she's gold-medal-worthy. It's possible I'll be totally surprised and have somebody like Carolina "So Boring Can't Remember Anything About Her" Kostner win - after all Sarah "Mediocre" Hughes did win the Olympics when all the other skaters fell down - but I predict the Asians will clean up most of the medals in most of the categories. I hope we've finally gotten to the point where the snooty American commentators can stop saying that they don't skate with enough "expression."
Compared to American tennis commentators, though, figure skating commentators are enlightened. Last year's U.S. Open was the lowest the pathetic ESPN crew has ever dipped - there was manic hysteria over Melanie "Great White Hope" Oudin, culminating in the worst excuse for a post-match interview that I have ever seen - but I see that Pam Shriver has not been put out to pasture, so I can only expect more psycho-patriotic bullshit in the Australian Open. Tonight they cut away from a tense Federer match - you know, the world number 1? - in order to have a nice long interview with John "Hurr Hurr I'm a Georgia Bulldog" Isner, whose only accomplishment to date has been beating that other American, Andy Roddick. The commentators have taken to ignoring the real American powerhouses - Roddick and the Williams sisters. Granted, Roddick will never win another Grand Slam, and Serena is the definition of a Mean Girl, but he's a witty interview and she's almost untouchable (bad news bears for her is that Kim "I'm A Mommy!" Clijsters and Justine "I'm The Original Mean Girl" Henin are back). Good to see Roddick has ditched his awful plaid shirt. Not so good to see all the players wearing neon-yellow or sunburn-orange (only Federer is wearing a refreshing aqua-blue). Terrell Owens is in Melbourne claiming to be Andy Roddick's friend. Nadal is looking healthier, but he remains a we-shall-see. Juan Martin Del Potro is the sexy pick - he won the U.S. Open last year and was almost forbidden from saying his acceptance speech in Spanish because they were "out of time." I suppose I should mention Lleyton Hewitt because he's the token Australian, but lord, winning matches for that man is like pulling teeth. The Wildcard/TrainWreck is going to be Nikolay Davydenko, who's recovered from his match-fixing scandals to say that "everyone in the draw is afraid of him." Start the popcorn.
Just in time, figure skating and tennis have both made dramatic reappearances on television. Which means I can go back to cheering wildly for Roger Federer and jeering all the Americans in both sports (Michelle Kwan and Andre Agassi have retired, so I'm off the paddy wagon).
My prognosis so far: the U.S. figure skating team may actually NOT suck this year. The pair that won the U.S. nationals this weekend were actually presentable, mostly because they skated like Russians and didn't go all Dainty Flower Dance. And apparently the guy that won the U.S. nationals wasn't bad either. Kind of sad that Johnny Weir landed at 3rd though, because he's about entertaining enough that he should got automatic entry, just like Jelena Dokic gets automatic entry at tennis Grand Slams because everyone loves to watch her have psychotic breaks. My mother thinks that Evan Lysacek, whom she now calls "the fascist" (because he dresses in crisp all black and slicks back his hair?!), was put in 2nd place despite falling and being bad because the U.S. Olympic committee didn't want to send Johnny Weir to Toronto. On the women's side, Sasha "Trainwreck" Cohen is apparently trying to compete again, but somebody from China, Japan, or South Korea will win it all. My early bet is Kim Yu-Na, she's gold-medal-worthy. It's possible I'll be totally surprised and have somebody like Carolina "So Boring Can't Remember Anything About Her" Kostner win - after all Sarah "Mediocre" Hughes did win the Olympics when all the other skaters fell down - but I predict the Asians will clean up most of the medals in most of the categories. I hope we've finally gotten to the point where the snooty American commentators can stop saying that they don't skate with enough "expression."
Compared to American tennis commentators, though, figure skating commentators are enlightened. Last year's U.S. Open was the lowest the pathetic ESPN crew has ever dipped - there was manic hysteria over Melanie "Great White Hope" Oudin, culminating in the worst excuse for a post-match interview that I have ever seen - but I see that Pam Shriver has not been put out to pasture, so I can only expect more psycho-patriotic bullshit in the Australian Open. Tonight they cut away from a tense Federer match - you know, the world number 1? - in order to have a nice long interview with John "Hurr Hurr I'm a Georgia Bulldog" Isner, whose only accomplishment to date has been beating that other American, Andy Roddick. The commentators have taken to ignoring the real American powerhouses - Roddick and the Williams sisters. Granted, Roddick will never win another Grand Slam, and Serena is the definition of a Mean Girl, but he's a witty interview and she's almost untouchable (bad news bears for her is that Kim "I'm A Mommy!" Clijsters and Justine "I'm The Original Mean Girl" Henin are back). Good to see Roddick has ditched his awful plaid shirt. Not so good to see all the players wearing neon-yellow or sunburn-orange (only Federer is wearing a refreshing aqua-blue). Terrell Owens is in Melbourne claiming to be Andy Roddick's friend. Nadal is looking healthier, but he remains a we-shall-see. Juan Martin Del Potro is the sexy pick - he won the U.S. Open last year and was almost forbidden from saying his acceptance speech in Spanish because they were "out of time." I suppose I should mention Lleyton Hewitt because he's the token Australian, but lord, winning matches for that man is like pulling teeth. The Wildcard/TrainWreck is going to be Nikolay Davydenko, who's recovered from his match-fixing scandals to say that "everyone in the draw is afraid of him." Start the popcorn.
