Rural Nebraskan Not Sure He Could Handle Frantic Pace Of Omaha

Warning: it's from The Onion.  Not that I read The Onion, but one of the moderators at CornNation linked to it, saying "This is exactly why I've stayed away from Omaha for most of my life."  It gets a little ridiculous at the end, but until then, this could be real.  As in, there are MANY people who do share these beliefs.

Lifelong North Platte resident Fred Linder, 46, revealed Monday that he doesn't think he could cope with the fast-paced hustle and bustle of Omaha, the Cornhusker State's largest city.

"Oh, sure, I bet it'd be exciting at first, going to see 9 p.m. showings of movies, shopping at those big department stores, and maybe even eating at one of those fancy restaurants that doesn't use iceberg lettuce in their salads," Linder said. "But I just don't think I could put up with all that hub-bub for more than a day or two."

Added Linder: "And parking's a nightmare there."

Linder expressed doubts about Omaha's "hectic pace" while having dinner at the home of Pastor Bob Egan, the longtime spiritual leader of North Platte's Holy Christ Almighty Church.

The drawbacks to life in Omaha cited by Linder include the crime, traffic, pollution, and rudeness of Omahans.

"You read such awful stuff in the papers about that place," Linder said. "Every month, it's another murder. Between the drugs and the crime and the street gangs, it's almost as bad as Wichita."

In all fairness, driving to Omaha IS a bitch.  And there was some "armed-and-considered-dangerous" murderer running around there a couple days ago.