
In light of the increasing spate of calamities targeting mankind (ex. swine flu, killer elephants, pirates, North Korea), 20th Century Fox has seen fit to release the movie Day After Tomorrow in order to give the world a handy how-to guide to surviving the Arctic Doomsday that is due any day now:
1. Do not, under any circumstances, let any member of your party die. Go to impossible lengths to keep each of them alive, no matter how doomed they may appear, how many other lives you are risking in the process, or how long you have known them (merely making eye contact makes them a member of your party). You are certain to succeed, so not going to these impossible lengths is tantamount to murder. Only if they willingly choose to sacrifice themselves may they be allowed to die.
2. The Bible is the most important work of Western Civilization, and its safety must be ensured. Your religious affiliation is irrelevant.
3. Passports are crucial, even in the Ice Age. If you must risk your life (or someone else's) to retrieve your passport, so be it.
4. If your country becomes uninhabitable, simply invade Mexico. Do not hesitate to bypass Mexico's border patrol. Rest assured that Mexicans will be very hospitable hosts to a sudden massive influx of illegal immigrants, even from the United States.
5. Subzero temperatures will chase warm things. These killer temperatures can be identified because they will turn everything they touch white. It must be outrun at all costs, and fear not, for it can be outrun. To buy yourself some time, close the doors behind you as this will momentarily slow the killer air.
6. Make sure to have a Super Tent (TM) on hand. Super Tents will protect you, even in the midst of near-killer subzero temperatures, and keep you so warm and protected that there is no need to even wear a coat.
7. Arctic gear is preferable when facing Arctic Doomsday. However, gloves are optional.
8. Always accompany friends, rivals, and acquaintances into certain death. Especially if you have no family of your own. In this case, you are by definition an expendable.
9. Always take the word of a climatologist working for the government. Do not be alarmed because they are not radical activist-scientists; it is highly probable that they will not be using actual science to back up their advice because laws of science will no longer apply in the event of Arctic Doomsday.
20th Century Fox wishes you the best of luck.