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A strange thought I had. Maybe the reason I relate to Walk the Line couples is because I myself am prone to overthink things, to be analytical and eccentric and obsessive-compulsive, and to have intense emotional problems that go along with my neurotic personality, so I understand the Walk the Line man, but most of the time, at least with my friends, I choose to hide that neurosis and instability and OCD-ness, so that I can be the pillar of strength, because one of us has to be, because all the people I'm drawn to, save Christina, Sasha, and Yue - who I'm not really drawn to so much as I need them for an escape from my other friends - are just as neurotic as me. And none of them seem to have the desire or ability to give up or suppress their neurosis, and apparently I do - either the desire or the ability, I'm not sure which, maybe a little of both - so I do it, because I think, she'll fall apart if we're both crazy, I need to be strong and stable for her, I need to look like I have it together so she still feels safe coming to me. Because I do care for them so much and I don't want them to break.
I have a feeling that need of mine to suppress my craziness and provide unflinching emotional support would be even greater with a man I loved.
I think I know where it comes from too. My mom. I feel like she was a lot crazier before my dad died. Did things more on a whim. She was the flighty, flaky, carefree one of my parents. She already provided a sort of rock for my dad, because he was so easily freaked out by everything and an incredible worrywart, but she was still crazy sometimes. I saw her as the less mature one of the two. But after he died, she changed. She turned into the unflinching pillar, because she knew that I couldn't control my freak-outs, my neurosis, my craziness, my whatever you want to call it, and she needed to be strong for me. And I really respect her for it. Respect her for controlling her own outbursts and moodswings so that she could be my dependable mother.
I wonder if it might fuck both of us over in the long-run. Well, maybe not. At least I have my mother to be crazy to. After all, that's a subscribed role she and I play - I'm insane, she's rational. So then I can play "rational" with everyone else, and make believe I'm in any shape to advise anybody, on anything.
I have a feeling that need of mine to suppress my craziness and provide unflinching emotional support would be even greater with a man I loved.
I think I know where it comes from too. My mom. I feel like she was a lot crazier before my dad died. Did things more on a whim. She was the flighty, flaky, carefree one of my parents. She already provided a sort of rock for my dad, because he was so easily freaked out by everything and an incredible worrywart, but she was still crazy sometimes. I saw her as the less mature one of the two. But after he died, she changed. She turned into the unflinching pillar, because she knew that I couldn't control my freak-outs, my neurosis, my craziness, my whatever you want to call it, and she needed to be strong for me. And I really respect her for it. Respect her for controlling her own outbursts and moodswings so that she could be my dependable mother.
I wonder if it might fuck both of us over in the long-run. Well, maybe not. At least I have my mother to be crazy to. After all, that's a subscribed role she and I play - I'm insane, she's rational. So then I can play "rational" with everyone else, and make believe I'm in any shape to advise anybody, on anything.
