I don't know either, not completely, and I never can. And in a lot of ways finding out more has made me more anxious than not knowing anything (and being free to invent my own preferred narrative for his life/person).
Well... it is looking down on me, because I believe in freedom of choice, and it's looking down on my decisions. That's actually more what I mean actually, like you think I can do better and that I'm wasting my brain being in the Foreign Service or something. I really don't think I am, because I think (arrogantly) that I would be useful to people in the Foreign Service, and I feel like I could actually make a difference to US policy there. I don't really have any ambition of being an Ambassador or whatev, I just want to be a great Pol/Econ officer in hardship posts and I want to campaign for aid and send people to study in America and advise the government on how not to fuck things up even more.
no subject
Date: 2008-10-27 12:57 am (UTC)Well... it is looking down on me, because I believe in freedom of choice, and it's looking down on my decisions. That's actually more what I mean actually, like you think I can do better and that I'm wasting my brain being in the Foreign Service or something. I really don't think I am, because I think (arrogantly) that I would be useful to people in the Foreign Service, and I feel like I could actually make a difference to US policy there. I don't really have any ambition of being an Ambassador or whatev, I just want to be a great Pol/Econ officer in hardship posts and I want to campaign for aid and send people to study in America and advise the government on how not to fuck things up even more.