I don't know either, not completely, and I never can. And in a lot of ways finding out more has made me more anxious than not knowing anything (and being free to invent my own preferred narrative for his life/person).
Well... it is looking down on me, because I believe in freedom of choice, and it's looking down on my decisions. That's actually more what I mean actually, like you think I can do better and that I'm wasting my brain being in the Foreign Service or something. I really don't think I am, because I think (arrogantly) that I would be useful to people in the Foreign Service, and I feel like I could actually make a difference to US policy there. I don't really have any ambition of being an Ambassador or whatev, I just want to be a great Pol/Econ officer in hardship posts and I want to campaign for aid and send people to study in America and advise the government on how not to fuck things up even more.
no subject
Well... it is looking down on me, because I believe in freedom of choice, and it's looking down on my decisions. That's actually more what I mean actually, like you think I can do better and that I'm wasting my brain being in the Foreign Service or something. I really don't think I am, because I think (arrogantly) that I would be useful to people in the Foreign Service, and I feel like I could actually make a difference to US policy there. I don't really have any ambition of being an Ambassador or whatev, I just want to be a great Pol/Econ officer in hardship posts and I want to campaign for aid and send people to study in America and advise the government on how not to fuck things up even more.