That's because most of my friends have no beliefs, usually because they're too busy worrying about who they are in much more psychological/personal terms than any greater overarching theme.
The knife is not real, it's a metaphor. I mean, arguing like this doesn't invigorate me. It doesn't make me think. If anything it makes me think less, because it makes me stressed, and it disables me from doing my work or my writing. It makes me feel sort of ill/nauseated. And I think it's at least in part because you determine the things we "discuss", and they're not the things I would discuss and thereby have strong opinions on, they're sort of incidental things that I don't have any strong opinion on. And to me it all just becomes such bullshit, very fast.
Like just now. I'm trying to make a real point about why I have a hard time dealing with foundations of life and such - and further that I'm trying to tell you about myself and how I came to be who I am now, which I think is a very important sort of realization - and you completely skip over it. I know that's natural, but I feel like it's been happening a lot lately, and most of the things I'm thinking about lately relate to this, relate to my past and how that relates to my future, and they're not necessarily theoretical building blocks or anything, but they are important to me. They're not even opinions, they're just observations/realizations about myself. But it's like if it doesn't have to do with what you care about, with these big ideas that I am so afraid of, it just gets passed over and is never spoken about. And to me that is like skipping over my life. It is like skipping over what makes my life important and worth living, and what makes it worse for me is that I'm skipping over this in order to have an argument about something I don't even have an opinion on or care about. And I feel like this is what I'm always doing these days, bypassing my own interests for someone else's.
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Date: 2008-10-26 05:17 am (UTC)The knife is not real, it's a metaphor. I mean, arguing like this doesn't invigorate me. It doesn't make me think. If anything it makes me think less, because it makes me stressed, and it disables me from doing my work or my writing. It makes me feel sort of ill/nauseated. And I think it's at least in part because you determine the things we "discuss", and they're not the things I would discuss and thereby have strong opinions on, they're sort of incidental things that I don't have any strong opinion on. And to me it all just becomes such bullshit, very fast.
Like just now. I'm trying to make a real point about why I have a hard time dealing with foundations of life and such - and further that I'm trying to tell you about myself and how I came to be who I am now, which I think is a very important sort of realization - and you completely skip over it. I know that's natural, but I feel like it's been happening a lot lately, and most of the things I'm thinking about lately relate to this, relate to my past and how that relates to my future, and they're not necessarily theoretical building blocks or anything, but they are important to me. They're not even opinions, they're just observations/realizations about myself. But it's like if it doesn't have to do with what you care about, with these big ideas that I am so afraid of, it just gets passed over and is never spoken about. And to me that is like skipping over my life. It is like skipping over what makes my life important and worth living, and what makes it worse for me is that I'm skipping over this in order to have an argument about something I don't even have an opinion on or care about. And I feel like this is what I'm always doing these days, bypassing my own interests for someone else's.
And this is really, really upsetting to me.