I feel like if you want to have knock-down drag-out fights, it needs to be with someone who's equally as committed to kniving other people as you are, like Jason. I'm just not. I don't think it's worth it.
One of the conclusions I've come to in the last couple years, while I was working out the conclusion to Ilium, is that big ideas aren't worth blood. I know to you that must sound awful, and I feel like I can't put it into words articulately - all I can say is read "The Quiet American", which has the same conclusion. My mom basically gave up on living for big ideas and she's lived a relatively calm, healthy life. My dad was obsessed with big ideas and committed his whole self to them, and died from the stress and frustration. And yes, "The Quiet American" is about the Vietnam War and the blood there is real. But I think it's why I don't like getting nasty over ideas. As the asofterworld on my profile page says, "Truth and Beauty are wonderful words, but schrapnel is schrapnel, and at the end of the day I am alone with the things I have done." I don't like attacking other people's beliefs, even when I'm mad at them. And what's ironic is that this is actually good for being in the Foreign Service.
And yes, I do have opinions about things. I love my thesis. And I dislike it when poli sci majors don't have any actual opinions on realism and constructivism, but they're just doing poli sci to get into law school. But even though I hate realism I won't attack someone for believing in it. I mean, I respect Juliya even though she's a hardcore realist and thinks constructivism is just magical thinking, because she's smart, she's a good student and at least she has an opinion.
That doesn't mean I don't consider what it is about what I'm going to do with my life that I love - not that I really know what I'm going to do with my life besides the career that I want to go into, and I know exactly what it is about the Foreign Service that I love.
I feel like I'm not that stubborn about my beliefs, and it's not that I disagree with you - I feel like you do the disagreeing, and I get defensive and confused because I don't even know what happened.
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Date: 2008-10-26 04:21 am (UTC)One of the conclusions I've come to in the last couple years, while I was working out the conclusion to Ilium, is that big ideas aren't worth blood. I know to you that must sound awful, and I feel like I can't put it into words articulately - all I can say is read "The Quiet American", which has the same conclusion. My mom basically gave up on living for big ideas and she's lived a relatively calm, healthy life. My dad was obsessed with big ideas and committed his whole self to them, and died from the stress and frustration. And yes, "The Quiet American" is about the Vietnam War and the blood there is real. But I think it's why I don't like getting nasty over ideas. As the asofterworld on my profile page says, "Truth and Beauty are wonderful words, but schrapnel is schrapnel, and at the end of the day I am alone with the things I have done." I don't like attacking other people's beliefs, even when I'm mad at them. And what's ironic is that this is actually good for being in the Foreign Service.
And yes, I do have opinions about things. I love my thesis. And I dislike it when poli sci majors don't have any actual opinions on realism and constructivism, but they're just doing poli sci to get into law school. But even though I hate realism I won't attack someone for believing in it. I mean, I respect Juliya even though she's a hardcore realist and thinks constructivism is just magical thinking, because she's smart, she's a good student and at least she has an opinion.
That doesn't mean I don't consider what it is about what I'm going to do with my life that I love - not that I really know what I'm going to do with my life besides the career that I want to go into, and I know exactly what it is about the Foreign Service that I love.
I feel like I'm not that stubborn about my beliefs, and it's not that I disagree with you - I feel like you do the disagreeing, and I get defensive and confused because I don't even know what happened.