There is a way to disagree with someone without making the other person feel like total shit, which is what you do with me. I hate how you belittle me. I hate how you dismiss my opinions.
I'm not against taking other disciplines into account. But lately I've been feeling bludgeoned every time I say something. Note that you never manage to actually change what I think, if that's what you're trying to accomplish. I just feel beaten up. I feel like almost everything I write about ties into a fundamental belief of yours somehow, and I don't even see how most of the time. Like I'm just writing about something that I don't feel is reflective of some fundamental thing at all, and suddenly we're arguing about something that to me seems completely unrelated. The thing is I don't like arguing. At least not the way you do it. I'm fine with having a discussion. But that's not what we have, we don't have discussions.
Part of the problem is as soon as I feel assaulted I always feel like I have to defend the opposite position, even if it's not something I wholely believe. I feel like I have to rescue whatever you're attacking.
You can't talk in retrospect? No, but that doesn't mean you can't be more careful. That doesn't mean you have to try to gore every other belief in the room! It doesn't mean you can just go, "Oh, well, maybe I was wrong there, whatever" and just keep on keeping on. It's not even about tact or social grace. It's about treating other people with respect.
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Date: 2008-10-26 03:54 am (UTC)I'm not against taking other disciplines into account. But lately I've been feeling bludgeoned every time I say something. Note that you never manage to actually change what I think, if that's what you're trying to accomplish. I just feel beaten up. I feel like almost everything I write about ties into a fundamental belief of yours somehow, and I don't even see how most of the time. Like I'm just writing about something that I don't feel is reflective of some fundamental thing at all, and suddenly we're arguing about something that to me seems completely unrelated. The thing is I don't like arguing. At least not the way you do it. I'm fine with having a discussion. But that's not what we have, we don't have discussions.
Part of the problem is as soon as I feel assaulted I always feel like I have to defend the opposite position, even if it's not something I wholely believe. I feel like I have to rescue whatever you're attacking.
You can't talk in retrospect? No, but that doesn't mean you can't be more careful. That doesn't mean you have to try to gore every other belief in the room! It doesn't mean you can just go, "Oh, well, maybe I was wrong there, whatever" and just keep on keeping on. It's not even about tact or social grace. It's about treating other people with respect.