enough about me, let's talk about you for a minute.

[intertribal]

You Are a Cat (Well, Duh I Am)

You are very independent and reclusive. No one really understands you, and you like it that way! You are quite clever and ingenious. You can get yourself out of any sticky situation. You are confident and cool tempered. You know you have many advantages and resources to draw from. No matter what life throws at you, things always seem to work out your way.

What Animal Are You?
 

I've been listening to a lot of Alanis Morissette lately - when I'm alone, so as not to scare Lucia - and like, screaming along to it in my terrible soprano voice. Ha ha ha. But it feels really good. We discussed the legitimacy of "Oughta Know" and Hole as legitimizing female anger as an acceptable emotion. But singing along to Alanis Morissette really just calms me down - it's like singing in mantras - esp. "Jagged Little Pill." Although I've always also really liked "What Goes Around", too. I get the same thing from singing along to Audioslave, weirdly enough.

Doing peer reviews of other people's theses... is stressful. If anyone has any suggestions for getting through peer reviews, please let me know, because I feel like I've been trying to sum up this girl's thesis for the past 3 hours.

Comments

[intertribal.livejournal.com]

Okay, fine. But I'm still more scared of monkeys than raccoons. Raccoons are just rabid cats.

Ah yes, the usual. Well, if you can manage to tell yourself that it is just the usual fears then that would probably help, right?

[royinpink.livejournal.com]

monkeys are tricksy. this is what scares me about them. but it seems more like their characterization of raccoons...

not really, it just makes me feel like more of a failure for not having beaten them and succeeded in changing. it does help sometimes to read things i wrote when getting out of that state before, though. among other things. i have better strategies for getting out of it than i used to, i think. i think i think i hope...

[intertribal.livejournal.com]

You can't expect to just permanently "change" and not overcome your fears or weaknesses. That's not reasonable, man. I still get stomachaches from anxiety and I still angst about not being a good writer. I mean. That's what coping strategies are for.

[royinpink.livejournal.com]

YES YOU CAN YOU MUST BE PERFECT. haha. but seriously, like, steve gave me advice that, you know, i seem to be a lot like him, and he sucked at school the first two and a half years, but then he decided he needed to go to a good grad school, and so he changed everything based on that decision and was an A student and didn't drink anymore and so on, or...whatever he did. and sometimes i do do things like that. like when i decided suddenly that i needed to get into second year chinese, and i needed to take first year over the summer, and i just showed up there and figured everything out with registration and my parents or whatnot. i have it in me, but it's so much to do with my state of mind. and here especially, i think, i have the tendency to not make things 'my decision' anymore, and start trying to please people, and worry that i'm not good enough, so it's not so simple... it could be. almost. but i'm just in the perfect situation to fuck it up. anyway, i don't have time to fuck up. it's my senior year. but i already gave myself a pep talk, drank some orange juice (vitamin C does wonders for my mood when i'm sleep-deprived), slept. so i think i'm doing better now. as long as i go DO the work, lol.

[royinpink.livejournal.com]

(and of course, i don't think steve claims that doing that as an undergrad permanently changed him as a person, just that it got him to grad school)

speaking of steve, i postponed my thesis meeting this week because of this, and he was very understanding. i think he believes me about my crazy being connected to wanting to be 'good enough' for him, and so he tries to back off (maybe just because he is lazy, but whatev), which is nice. i thought this email was funny...

"I was wondering if perhaps, instead of me feeling miserable and guilty and cowering before you, we could move my meeting time to sometime later in the week [. . .]. If a formalized excuse would help with this, why don't we just say that your thesis advisee has had mental health issues for the past week or two, and could really use a day to get back on her feet.

otherwise i will see you at 2 and...glower at you, or something.

kthanxbye"