monkeys are tricksy. this is what scares me about them. but it seems more like their characterization of raccoons...

not really, it just makes me feel like more of a failure for not having beaten them and succeeded in changing. it does help sometimes to read things i wrote when getting out of that state before, though. among other things. i have better strategies for getting out of it than i used to, i think. i think i think i hope...