and part of it is he responded to something i wrote, talking about what he saw my problem of discussing ideas in class or w/ him was, and i was ridiculously hurt by this email and said something that made that clear, and he said it wasn't his intention and he was sorry and he thought it was obvious that he didn't think i was a shitty person but just in case it wasn't obvious he doesn't, but he wished it wasn't so easy for me to think so, and he'd try to make it less easy. uhhh sorry for run-on sentence. but i think he actually did try, and that, you know, makes me feel loved (=cared about). i think he's been trying also to email me back more even though he's insanely busy, esp. after i failed the qual. so it's utterly ridulous now for me to think he doesn't care.