I'm worried about you. I wish I could give you advice but I think you're depressed. You know I'm a believer in both therapy and medication, but I know that you're not...

I know that change has to come from within but sometimes if you're in something so deep, like you say you forget history, you can't get yourself out of it without help. I feel like based on reading your entries this year that you've really been trying, both internally and externally, and you have made progress. That doesn't mean you're doomed because you're in a hole right now, and it doesn't mean you can't get outside help.

I don't think you're a coward. You are just as important as anyone else. Anyone.