I'm having Thanksgiving with Steve...he has thanksgiving for everyone he knows/likes here who doesn't have somewhere to go for Thanksgiving...there'll be more people this year, the ling majors are multiplying.
i like "in bloom." i lost most of my nirvana...i'll get it when i come back for xmas.
what would make my father proud is if I become the final step in his dream of financial independence by becoming myself a different class, I guess, part of the intellectual elite...and hopefully not an ineffectual one. i used to want to make him proud, or, I wanted him to be happy with me...but now I see it's primarily pride based in my relation to him. I think most pride is when it reflects some way on you...maybe you empathize, maybe you feel you helped the person reach where they are now, maybe you think they show how cool you are 'cause they're super cool, or maybe they fit into the traditional patriarchal model whereby the wife and kids reflect on the father's abilities...whereby it's not reciprocal, I could never be proud of him because he has all the power, just like i can't be proud of my boss or my professor (unless maybe it's steve, but he's more equal). but that's just a thought. he tells me he's proud of me now, since i'm still going to school and he's been through counseling, but it doesn't mean anything now.
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Date: 2007-11-21 11:01 am (UTC)i like "in bloom." i lost most of my nirvana...i'll get it when i come back for xmas.
what would make my father proud is if I become the final step in his dream of financial independence by becoming myself a different class, I guess, part of the intellectual elite...and hopefully not an ineffectual one. i used to want to make him proud, or, I wanted him to be happy with me...but now I see it's primarily pride based in my relation to him. I think most pride is when it reflects some way on you...maybe you empathize, maybe you feel you helped the person reach where they are now, maybe you think they show how cool you are 'cause they're super cool, or maybe they fit into the traditional patriarchal model whereby the wife and kids reflect on the father's abilities...whereby it's not reciprocal, I could never be proud of him because he has all the power, just like i can't be proud of my boss or my professor (unless maybe it's steve, but he's more equal). but that's just a thought. he tells me he's proud of me now, since i'm still going to school and he's been through counseling, but it doesn't mean anything now.